Better to Have Loved and Lost
by SailorEarth007
Summary: REPOST It's basically my version of the S/D break up over the Season R arc with a few MINOR twists! Serena's forced to conceal her emotions after Darien breaks up with her & even more drama than before ensues! Was love worth the pain? Formerly 156 Reviews
1. Prologue

AN: This is just a little glimpse of what you'll see if you wait for the story to play out. I wrote it before I officially started the fanfic.

**Disclaimer:****I do not own Sailor Moon. **

**No Chapter Song since it's not an actual chapter. (I'll be putting what song inspired me most with each chapter. You don't have to listen to it though!)**

Prologue

The pouring rain made her hair stick to the sides of her face.

She didn't feel at all confident in her decision. All she knew was that it was a way out. The world thundered around her as the skies darkened even more. She pulled her hood over her head, but it was a futile attempt to remain warm since the inside was already soaked.

Her emotions were slowly dying in her, but unlike before, she wasn't purposefully pushing them down and it required no effort. She was coming to terms with what she'd decided. She wasn't sure whose fault this was, but somehow everything in her life always led back to _him_.

Now her future was in the hands of fate. She wasn't sure what 'fate' had in store for her tonight. The only certainty was that she was never going to let anyone she loved die for her again.

Surrender wasn't going to come until all the people she loved were safe.

After that, she only hoped her own life would be enough for them to be left alone and maybe find some small amount of happiness in a helpless world.

As she walked, filled with purpose, towards the center of the city, her memories went back to three weeks ago; the day her life had been thrown into this huge mess of pain and sadness and worry. But strangely enough it had all started

with only a dream…

* * *

This is a shout out to whoever is saw this come up on their email account because you have me on your 'author alert' list. For those of you who reviewed the fanfic the last time it was on fanfictiondotnet thank you SO much for your comments, they are a big reason I've decided to come back.

If you're one of the people who was reading the sequel before i took it off as well, if you'll be a little patient as soon as I've finished posting this fanfic I'll start posting on the sequel again. I'm working on the sequel right now so if you could bear with me that would be amazing!

And as for the people reading this for the first time, please do comment, constructive criticism is always welcome as well as praise! :P I would love to hear from you new readers as well so PLZ comment, you are the ones who also inspire me so I hope you read and enjoy!

And lastly, a MAJOR thank you to my new Beta **SailorMoonFanForever**! I hope together we can make this fanfic even better than before!


	2. Chapter 1: Just Keep Breathing

AN: It's the break up between Serena and Darien, but with a few major twists. It's almost AU, but not quite. In this one all the facts are the same for the anime, except for the fact that Serena' parents died a year ago and she doesn't have a brother. She lives with Rini as well as her cousin and her cousin's husband, who are both fifteen years older than her. I tried to stick as close to the cannon as possible with the events outside of my own plot twists. I hope you enjoy it and please review! That being said, on with the fanfic!

Also a big thank you to the two betas who reviewed this chapter for me: **AmySerenityRaye** and **SailorMoonFanForever**, thank you to both of them!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon nor the chapter song and am making no money. Don't sue; you'd get a hell of a lot of I-owe-yous**.

**Chapter Song**: 'Cut' by Plumb

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. -Elie Wiesel

**

* * *

Chapter One**

**Just Keep Breathing**

Serena stared down the sidewalk and her heartbeat sounded in her chest, as usual, at the sight of her boyfriend. She sighed happily, walking to where he waited for her like always. It was amazing how just seeing Darien standing there made her day brighter. And it definitely needed some light in it, as she'd just completely spaced on her math test and her history project was nowhere near done. What she needed right now was to spend some quality time with the love of her life and have him just kiss her and tell her that she was wonderful and everything would be alright. He looked a little shaken as Serena neared him. She just brushed it off, telling herself that all he needed was for her to kiss his troubles away.

She flashed him a bright smile as she approached him, crying, "Darien!"

She saw his face tense up as she stood in front of him. Brushing all thoughts aside, she leaned up to kiss him and was more than a little startled when he pulled away from her slightly. Her wounded pride disregarded it. Perhaps he was a little sick and didn't want her to catch anything. She smiled up at him, trying to lighten the mood.

"So, do you want to get some breakfast? I noticed that your favorite coffee place opened up a new shop just down the block."

Darien looked like he was struggling with something, and then his features turned indifferent. She was taken aback by the lack of emotion in his gaze and the lack of love in his eyes. She was met with cold indifference, and the indifference was what scared her the most.

She could handle him being mad at her, but she could never handle him not feeling anything towards her.

Darien mumbled softly, so that only she could hear, "Serena…"

Instantly, she was concerned; she was about to reach out to touch his arm, but then thought her pride couldn't take too much more rejection today. He seemed to want to be alone. She looked curiously into his eyes.

"What Darien? Are you okay? You seem a little…off this morning."

He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. Serena waited patiently for whatever he was about to tell her.

"Serena, I can't see you anymore."

He looked into her face, almost as if searching for a specific reaction. Serena's mind must not have been working well this morning, because she was having trouble processing what he had said.

"Huh? Darien, what are you talking about?"

He closed his eyes for a moment; then he opened them, a silent, chilling fear crept down Serena's spine at the resolution in his eyes.

"I just can't date you anymore. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but we shouldn't see each other any longer."

She still couldn't grasp what he was saying; it was as if her brain was willing itself not to work properly. Her voice was slightly shaky as she tried to speak.

"Darien, is this a joke?"

She laughed nervously, hoping with all her being that this was a dream, or rather a nightmare, and that she would be able to wake up and be safe in his arms.

His face was completely serious and detached, as he said, "No, I'm completely serious about this. It'll be better for both of us if you don't come around here, and just stay away."

Serena felt her eyes go wide as she tried to think of something to say, but her mouth just hung open clumsily while Darien turned around and walked away. She stared off into the distance, unable to think or feel. If she had bothered to look in his direction, she would have seen his knuckles turning white from the strain he was putting on his shaking hands. But she didn't glance at him; she didn't do anything for the longest time.

She couldn't move, her mind completely collapsing on her as she just stood there, wishing to wake up or at least fall through the cracks in the sidewalk and hide. Her mind suddenly snapped back into place. However, when a sudden searing pain filled her chest, it was hastily pushed back.

Seconds droned on and she somehow knew that if she moved, then it would hurt more than it ever had before. But she felt the feeling slowly leave her legs and she was forced to cling to the bench next to her for support. Her breathing became uneven as she clutched the bench with both hands.

That bench was the only support she received as she struggled to push down the emotions building on the surface of her being. It felt like she was having an asthma attack, or had had the wind knocked out of her. She spent the next ten minutes trying to keep her emotions at bay. Finally, after a few more minutes, she suddenly had one thought. S_chool. _

Dragging her feet, she slowly moved, not feeling the world around her. Suddenly, her homework didn't seem like such a major deal anymore.


	3. Chapter 2: Explanation

I do not own Sailor Moon or the Chapter Song. Again, don't sue; I don't have any money, nor am making any from this fanfic.

**Chapter Song: **'Keep Breathing' by Ingrid Michaelson

Love always involves responsibility, and love always involves sacrifice. -William Barclay

AN: And a big thank you goes out to my two betas for this fanfic: **AmySerenityRaye **and **SailorMoonFanForever**! thanks u guys and i hope this is well received. Please review whether you have before or haven't and i'll try to update as soon as i can. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Explanation**

Darien couldn't get back to his apartment fast enough. As soon as the door was closed and locked, he picked up the nearest object, which happened to be a flower vase, and hurled it at the wall. As the water dripped down the wall, he finally began to realize what he had done. His hands were still shaking.

'What did I do?' was the only thought running through his mind at the moment. He sat down and put his head in his hands. What had he done? How could he have just destroyed his relationship with the only good thing in his life? He couldn't get her confused face out of his mind; she looked so scared when she'd realized something was wrong. And the shock he left her in.

Suddenly fear surged through his being as he wondered how she could have reacted. 'What if she hurt herself?!' his mind worried erratically. He got up and rushed to the door, but when he touched the cool, hard doorknob, his thoughts were put back in order.

No, Serena would never be that stupid. She'd been through worse; she'd get over this in a couple days. His stomach churned at the thought. He couldn't stand putting her in pain for one second, and the idea of a few days made him want to take it all back immediately. He knew he would never get over the feeling of having her in his arms.

He walked to the window and looked out over the city. He would never get over her. He would live the rest of his life protecting her, never loving another. The urge to sprint back to her, which had filled him since he'd left her, suddenly grew almost unbearably strong. The desire to beg her to take him back filled his entire being. His feet almost moved to the door, when suddenly his nightmarish vision filled his mind.

_There Serena stood before him. He'd never thought it possible for her to look more beautiful than she always did, but she was a goddess in the pure white wedding gown. They stood in a beautiful little garden, surrounded by all their friends and family. _

_A thrill of excitement traveled though him as she gracefully placed a small hand on his arm. Her smile was dazzling as she stared up at him in what could only be described as complete, unadulterated love. His heart swelled at the sight of her. He couldn't remember being this happy before; today Serena would be his forever. _

_Suddenly, just as he was about to kiss her, the ground shook with fervor. Fire burst all around him as the other guests screamed and ran. His attention was only focused on Serena as she was torn from his arms by the ground splitting open. The ground she stood on started falling apart and flames suddenly consumed her. All this time, he'd been yelling her name over and over again, trying to find away to get to her. Her screams of pain filled his ears and he felt as though he couldn't take any more before pain consumed him. Just as he'd reached his limit, his world went white. _

_A strong, loud voice sounded at him, 'This is what will happen to Serena if you do not stay away.' _

_Darien's blood ran cold. "What? You're lying! I won't stay away from her!"_

'_This is no trick. Stay away from Serena, or she will die!' _

_And then Serena, laying there dead and cold, appeared before him. Tears welled up in his eyes as he kneeled down in front of her, murmuring softly, _

_"No, no." _

_He gently took her palm and pressed it to his cheek, "Oh please forgive me, my love. Please, forgive me." _

He came out of the memory with a tear running down his cheek. It had been coming to him every night like this for over a month now, and his days had been spent thinking about it. The resolve he lacked came back as he took steps away from the door. He had to stay away from her, but he'd protect her for eternity. He didn't care if it meant he would have to give up his own life in the process. He'd be _happy_ to die for her if it only got rid of the black hole that filled his chest. He heaved a sigh of defeat and walked into his kitchen. He prayed to god that he had something that would dull his nearly overwhelming pain.

* * *

As Serena slowly trailed down the street her mind started to piece itself back together. She was sure that she would be able to make it know how to make it through the day if she didn't remain in careful denial. She told herself that Darien still loved her and that he didn't want to break up with her. She made herself believe that the latest demon or something had forced him to. Her step got lighter as her determination to find and kill this creature flowed through her.

A very small voice was telling her she was in full-on denial, but, after the twenty minute walk to school, she was able to convince herself that this was fact. She held her head up high and tried extremely hard not to look the least bit bothered. There was no reason to involve the Scouts if this was just between her and Darien.

Raye was the first one to see her that morning in the hall; Serena noticed that Raye's face held a familiar worried expression on it.

"Serena, where were you this morning? I thought you and Darien were supposed to meet me after breakfast?"

Serena felt her heart clench at Darien's name, but carefully suppressed it. She tried to make her voice light as she said,

"Nowhere. Sorry, I just lost track of time, it's nothing. It's all good."

She added that last part to herself, mentally, and tried to give Raye a warm smile.

Raye looked unconvinced as she examined Serena's face, but Serena felt relief when Raye let it go.

"Fine, let's just get to class."

The two girls walked down the hall in silence. Serena was in her own little world as she tried to think of what kind of demon could scare Darien so much. She figured she'd best tell Raye so she could inform the Scouts about the new danger.

"Raye?"

Raye turned to Serena, her eyes alive with curiosity. "Yes?"

"I think there's a new demon running around out there."

Raye frowned, and Serena suddenly wished she had thought this through. She didn't think she could handle explaining to Raye exactly what had happened this morning; she feared it would undermine her denial. She stared at Raye as her friend looked thoughtful.

"Really? What makes you think that, besides the inevitable odds that there is one out there at this very moment?"

Serena took a deep breath and prayed that Raye would be satisfied with a vague answer. "Nothing specific. Just a feeling I had when I was walking to school this morning. I'm not completely sure what it's doing, but I'm certain it's out there." Raye looked thoughtful again and Serena decided to lighten the mood by lightly nudging her.

"Hey, let's not worry about it now. Alright? Let's just worry about that history project that the demon kept us from working on last weekend."

Raye's eyes immediately narrowed. "As I recall, I believe it was more your schedule we weren't able to work around, rather than the demon's attack."

Serena smiled innocently. "I'm sorry, you know that I had to copy down all my English notes for the test. Hey, don't give me that look. They got destroyed when we faced that water demon on the way home on Thursday!"

An annoyed expression remained on Raye's face. "You know Serena; you can't always blame _everything_ on demons."

The two girls quickly sat down for chemistry. A feeling of nausea filled Serena's stomach at Raye's words. She knew Raye was just being Raye, and she loved her for it, but a cold fear filled her being at her current thoughts.

'What if Darien _hadn't_ broken up with me because he was threatened?'

She tried, with much greater effort, to push down the possibility that he didn't love her and tried to focus on conversion factors.


	4. Chapter 3: Breaking Ties

AN: This is the third part of the series and I'll be able to make the chapters longer and longer as the story continues. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review to tell me how it's going. I'm not sure if how I'm doing it is really my best work, but I'd very much like to hear what you think. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next part up, but it'll be soon. So enjoy! By the way, **Jack and Amanda** are Serena's cousin and husband and the lines mean change in the different character's view. Another huge thank you to my two betas. They are awesome in all things!

I do not own Sailor Moon. Please don't sue me; I have no money –literally!-

**Chapter Song: **'Gravity' by Vienna Teng

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. ~ Anonymous

**

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Chapter 3**

**Breaking Ties**

The day seemed to stretch on for Serena as the hours droned on. She found herself irritating Lita with her constant tapping of her pencil on the desk in math class. Serena could tell Lita was irritated and worried.

"Serena, are you okay? You seem so anxious!"

Serena had just shaken her head and told her it was nothing. But she felt anxious. After she'd gotten through Chemistry, she'd convinced herself that the next demon to attack them would be the one threatening Darien. She ached to get out of school to find, pound on, and kill it. Anger was running through her system, along with anticipation at being with Darien again.

She missed him so much! It seemed like it had been days instead of hours since she'd seen him. She loved him so much, that it had been beyond painful to think, even for those few short seconds that she'd considered it, that he didn't love her. She knew he did, he just _had_ to. Why else would he want to spend so much time with her? And he was the best boyfriend in the world, a little over protective, but that was okay.

Her mind refused to doubt him. As soon as school let out, she would find this thing and deal with it, same as always. 'Same as always' sounded in her mind as she loudly tapped her pencil over and over again in study hall. She was so lost in thought she didn't notice the evil glares the other students were giving her. Suddenly, she felt Amy gently put her hand down on Serena's pencil-tapping one.

"Serena? Why don't we put the pencil down?"

Serena smiled, nervous, and dropped the pencil. Instead, she started drumming the desk with her fingers.

Mina, who was sitting on her other side, burst out, "Serena! Stop! Please, you've been fidgeting all day! I have a lot of homework to finish!"

Serena felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to look at Amy. "Really, I'm fine. I guess it's just nerves about school and stuff."

Amy gave her a concerned look. "Raye told us you think a demon is going to attack soon. Does that have anything to do with why you're so restless?"

Serena sighed; Amy could read her too well. She didn't want to have to go over this with Amy or anyone else so she just shrugged and mumbled, "I don't know, maybe."

But Amy let it go with a small smile and a gentle squeeze on Serena's shoulder. Serena gratefully continued working on her homework in silence. Finally, she could stand it no longer and as soon as school let out, she hurried home. After finding that her mind wouldn't concentrate on homework, she frantically paced back and forth in her room, communicator clenched in her hand, silently willing it to go off. Luckily, Luna had gone out for the night, otherwise she might have forced Serena to tell her what was wrong.

After dinner with Amanda, Jack, and Rini –where Rini made annoying faces at her throughout the entire meal- she went out. If the demon wouldn't come to her, she would go looking for it.

Night fell after she had been searching the city for a couple hours, and she decided to head back home, feeling so disappointed that she'd have to go another day without Darien. On the way home, she decided to stop by a beauty parlor to check out their mascara. The woman working at the counter seemed nice enough, but she turned Serena off when she started spouting a speech inferring that outside beauty was way more important than inside beauty. Serena knew she was in a beauty parlor, and that that's how they made their money, but she was miffed by the implication that a guy wouldn't give her the time of day otherwise unless she was beautiful.

She briskly told the saleslady off and turned to walk out without buying anything. The woman's eyes narrowed and her arm snaked out to grab hold of Serena's. Serena's eyes widened as the woman turned into a demon as Serena tried to get free. Serena ran swiftly to a corner of the store as the demon came after her. After alerting the other scouts, she transformed. Instead of the little amount of fear that naturally comes at being cornered in a small area with a monster out to get you, Serena felt anger well up in her at the monster that had made the man she loved treat her coldly. She gave the demon an enraged glare.

After exchanging a few blows, she kicked the creature through the front store window. But it came back with equal vengeance and pinned her to the ground. It was about to start sucking her energy with the crystal on its forehead, when a crimson rose flashed through the air and stopped it. The demon yelled out in pain as Serena wrenched herself loose. Her eyes shone with hope at the sight of her rescuer. He looked so dashing in the moonlight in his tuxedo. The others showed up a second later.

"Sailor Moon? Are you alright?"

Sailor Moon turned to Sailor Mercury, and said, "Yes, I'm fine, now." She smiled at Tuxedo Mask and didn't feel the least bit sad when he only stared at her. 'Very soon,' her mind thought, 'I'll be in his arms and everything will be alright again!' She turned to face the demon.

"Mercury, where's its weak spot? I could just keep hitting it, but I think Raye and I have a history project to work on!"

She heard Mercury typing on her minicomputer as Mars, Venus, and Jupiter all sent attacks at the demon and Serena punched it a couple times while trying to avoid its acid spray.

"Its chest!" Mercury yelled after Jupiter blasted at its head.

Sailor Moon hit it with her scepter and it turned into a pile of ash which then disappeared. Sailor Moon could hold herself off no longer and ran up to Tuxedo Mask and cried, "Darien!" He turned and just continued walking away.

"Darien?" Serena cried, confused. He stopped, but didn't turn to face her, so she continued.

"See? The demon's gone! You don't have to keep away anymore, or if this wasn't the one threatening you, we'll just look for the one that is and then everything will be alright again."

* * *

Darien was shocked at her intuition. He'd been trying extremely hard to not run to her and hug her in relief that she was alright. His heart had stopped for a moment when he'd seen her trapped under that demon and his anger had suddenly known no bounds. Now that she was safe, he couldn't help but stare at her lips, wishing he could kiss away any doubts she had about how he felt about her. His heartbeat quickened at the smile she had given him, but he took a breath and knew what he had to do, though it would kill him the entire time he did it.

He composed his features into a frown and said slowly, seriously, "Serena, there is no demon making me do this. That's not the reason I broke up with you."

Serena felt extremely confused and the pain she had felt earlier was threatening to come to the surface, but she pushed it forcefully down and looked back at him.

"Then why, Darien? I'm sure whatever the reason is we can work it out! I mean, is it me? Was I too snappy with you yesterday? I didn't mean to irritate you, I'm sorry. Rini was just being so annoying. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you, honest."

When this didn't faze him she looked into his eyes and whispered, "I'll never do it again."

Darien was honestly confused at this. What was she talking about, being snappy earlier? He hadn't noticed anything. He had to make this more believable to her, no matter how much it hurt.

"What are you talking about, Serena? That's not it. The reason I broke up with you is that I don't have the same feelings for you that you have for me."

It was true in a way. There was no way she could love him as much or think about him as much as he thought about her. He loved her too much to see her get hurt because of him. She was his reason for living. He couldn't allow any harm to come to her.

* * *

Serena shook her head, trying to think straight through the pain that she was feeling in her chest.

"No, no that can't be right. You do, you must. Darien, where is this coming from? How can you just all of a sudden not love me anymore?"

Frustration was the only emotion that played out on his face. Serena didn't know if this was a good thing, or bad thing. Perhaps it was best that he was at least feeling something, but frustration didn't seem to be a positive emotion in their current relationship state.

His voice sounded harsh and cold to her ears, as he said, "It's not all of a sudden. I figured out that I didn't love you a while ago, but didn't have the guts to tell you before now. Haven't you sensed me acting distant this past week?"

Serena was shocked; she didn't know what to say. That she hadn't known? Her voice began to break. "I…I just thought that maybe you were getting sick or that I…I don't know. I guess I just brushed it off." She stared at the ground in defeat, the pain now open and softly speaking in her ear, _he doesn't love you, he doesn't love you_.

* * *

Darien didn't know how much longer he could stand there and tell her he didn't love her when his heart was screaming to him that he did! He had to get her to believe his lie. He started saying the first hurtful words he could think of.

"Well, I need to be with someone who can better tell when I'm not on the same page as them!"

Her face just stared up at him, and her eyes held defeat. It took everything in him to just stare coldly at her and not take her in his arms and kiss her with all the passion that he was suppressing with an inhuman amount of strength.

* * *

"But why now?" Tears threatened to come to her eyes as the pain slowly got louder.

His face held no emotion as he stared at her through his storm-colored eyes. "I felt I needed to let you know before things became serious. My feelings don't go any farther than my respect for Sailor Moon, and my tolerance of Serena Tsukino."

She didn't think he could have hurt her more if he'd slapped her. "Tolerance?" the word moved through her mouth in disgust she couldn't contain. Is that all she ever was to him? Tolerated, put up with? Never loved? But why?! The evil voice in the back of her head was becoming louder and louder as this conversation continued. It told her all about the denial she'd been in earlier and how Darien never loved her even a little bit. She didn't know how much longer she could take this conversation. Her world felt like it was coming to an end, yet Darien still had the nerve to continue.

"Yes, I'm sorry that you have these feelings for me that I can't return. I think it's better for both of us that we're not together. Otherwise we might have gone on for a while with you never knowing how I feel and me suffering through it. I just can't take being with you anymore and I think we should go our separate ways before you get hurt."

Serena could think of nothing to say. She'd never felt more shocked in her life. She was starting to have trouble breathing as he turned and walked away, saying, "I am sorry if this hurts you."

* * *

Darien wanted to kill himself. There was no greater injustice than what he had just done. His entire body was screaming for him to run back to her and kiss her senseless, but his mind kept reminding him of the dream. 'It's only a dream!' he shouted, but the voice answered, 'Would you rather risk Serena's life?' That was where the internal argument ended. He walked away, thinking only that her life would be better without him, whereas he would now suffer eternal torment for being apart from her.


	5. Chapter 4: How to Deal

I've decided since I have these chapters just sitting on my computer and don't have time to search for a beta with 19 credits and stuff I'm just going to edit them myself and add them all to get a response back from people. I've taken a break from writing the last couple years. I'm trying to get back to my old passion and would truly appreciate your opinions on this fanfic to see if I can make it better or what you like. So –incase you didn't read all this- PLEASE REVIEW, I could really use your feedback as inspiration to return to my old passion, in life so far I've gained new ones but like your first love, you don't forget what you once wanted to do for a living when you grow up so please let me know and just read and…enjoy

I do now own Sailor Moon. Yeah, I really don't.

**Chapter 4**

**How to Deal

* * *

**

Serena stood there for a moment, not taking anything in. If she had looked back at the Scouts she would have seen their mouths hanging open in shock and Venus's in horror. She knew none of them knew what to say. Standing there, as she refused to let the world in for even a minute, her legs began to shake. The pain was rushing at her from everywhere. The agony of air rushing through her lungs threatened to make her pass out as she realized the finality of what Darien had just done. He was not coming back.

She was careful not to show anything on her face. She closed her eyes, bowed her head, and slowly retreated into herself. She battled her emotions for a few more moments before she won and suddenly felt nothing. Numb was the only way to describe how she felt. She knew she couldn't keep her pain out forever, but at least for tonight, in order to get home alone. She de-transformed in a haze, not really realizing what she was doing. She felt like she had lost control of her movements and only existed on autopilot. Suddenly she heard someone run up to her and Mercury's voice filled her ears,

"Serena…I'm…I'm so sorry."

Serena glanced over her shoulder at Mercury and Mercury softly gasped. Serena said softly,

"It's okay."

She turned around and walked away, leaving four teenage girls and two moon cats looking _very_ worried.

Serena found herself in her bedroom without truly remembering how she got there. The walk home had just flown by while she kept all thoughts out of her head. All her energy was being put into suppressing her emotions. However now that she was allowed to let them out…she didn't want to. The memory of the searing pain in her chest kept her from accepting the inevitable and she laid herself down on her bed. Laying there staring up at the moonless sky, she didn't know how long it was before she heard the door being softly pushed open. Luna's small form landed lightly on her bed so Serena closed her eyes, pretending to sleep. She waited until she felt Luna's breathing became even as she lay on Serena's legs like always before opening her eyes. She knew that if she let herself try to sleep even for a moment, she wouldn't be able to combat the pain. She feared the pain almost as much as she feared the coming morning.

She decided she would let the pain out gradually over the next couple days; otherwise she didn't think she'd be able to handle it. Her lids slowly began to close from exhaustion, when suddenly they flew open and her eyes widened as she remembered something. 'Uncle Rick's coming to town tomorrow!' Her mind thought in horror. Tears gathered in her eyes as she remembered the last time she'd seen him. It was right after her parents died. At the funeral she'd hardly been able to speak with anyone; she'd been crying so hard. And before that she hadn't seen him in three years! She couldn't allow her pain to ruin her favorite uncle's visit. Three tears slowly fell down her cheek as she realized she'd have to block out the pain for the next five days because she knew once she started she wouldn't be able to completely deal with it for…well she didn't know how long this would take to get over. How long does it take to get over your soul mate? she wondered briefly. At the moment she didn't believe she would ever be able to.

Then her face fell into determination as she knew she'd have to do it, if only for her cousin. She knew Amanda hadn't seen her father since the funeral either and Rini… she'd deal with Rini later. She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep, realizing the internal battle she'd have to face the follow morning; not only fighting to keep the pain away, but also any evidence of her efforts on her face. As she slipped into unconsciousness at around three in the morning, she almost laughed at the thought of asking Darien to wait to break up with her for a couple days.

Morning had been just as painful as Serena had expected it to be. For those first brief moments when she'd awoken and before opening her eyes, she'd forgotten all about the break up. It had been ten times harder in the morning to suppress the pain that remembering had brought on moment later after realization. She quietly got ready, though she could feel Luna's watchful eyes on her the entire time. She didn't try to look happy, just not miserable. She could have sworn she'd heard Luna sigh after she shut her bedroom door. She was embarrassed that the other Scouts had to see Darien reject her so utterly and completely. Therefore she was totally amazed to see all of them standing outside of her cousin's apartment waiting for her to come outside. She couldn't contain her amount of fear at having to walk to school with them. She had been planning on using that time to not have to act normal, this was adding another twenty minutes to her building misery. If she hadn't been so consumed with holding in her emotions she might have noticed how incredibly sweet it was for them to be so concerned with her.

A small part of her mind noticed this, but the rest was too exhausted from the lack of sleep to discern. Amy wore a sad, sympathetic smile on her face as Serena walked down the steps. Lita, Raye, and Mina were busy searching over her face. Serena gave them a small smile and they all walked silently down the street. Finally after a few minutes Amy took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze softly saying,

"Hey Serena. How are you doing?"

Serena took a deep breath and then tried to say lightly,

"I'm fine. A little tired after the fight and all, but alright."

She was very proud that her voice didn't break because she hadn't spoken since yesterday. This made Amy frown and the others searched her expression again. Serena struggled harder to not feel any emotion and not let the effort appear on her face. Lita put a hand on her shoulder and said,

"It's fine if you're not okay. I mean if Darien'd-"

"Lita!"

Raye whispered, giving Lita a glare. Lita looked down, ashamed. Serena didn't want anyone else suffering because of her boyfriend problems and hastily let out another lie,

"No, it's alright. It…doesn't hurt to hear his name. And thanks Lita, I know what you were getting at, but really…I'm okay."

Mina frowned,

"But you're not. I can see it in your eyes. Serena, why are trying to pretend like everything's okay when it's not? It's not supposed to be!"

Serena struggled to keep the shock from her face as she realized she'd never thought about her eyes. She closed them for a brief moment before looking at Mina saying,

"But I'm okay, really. You guys are so nice to walk me to school and everything, but I'm perfectly capable of walking to school on my own."

They let it go for now and Serena was grateful when they turned the corner and arrived at school. There it was much easier to concentrate on appearing normal when she didn't have to think about Darien. School was almost easier to be at than home and the day went by a little too quickly for her. When she got back to her room she finished her homework within an hour, and then didn't know what to do with herself. Amanda had left a note saying she, Jack, and Rini had gone to the airport to meet Uncle Rick. Serena started to pace in her room until Luna suddenly jumped down from the window. Serena struggled to keep the startled look from her face,

"Luna, hi."

Luna gave her a long look and then leapt into her arms, nuzzling her face in Serena's arm. Serena was taken aback by the gesture; normally Luna tried to be all formal and guardian-like. Serena gently put her down on the bed without looking at her and sat at her desk. She tried very hard not to begin tapping on her desk with a nearby pencil.

"Serena, do you want to talk-"

"No."

Serena cut in; she just couldn't have this conversation so close to her uncle's arrival. Luna sighed,

"Serena, you can't just shut-"

"Luna…please."

Serena closed her eyes as the pain became stronger. Luna jumped on the desk in front of her. Staring into Serena's eyes Luna must have seen something that made her back down because she leaped to the window, turning back only for a moment. She said firmly,

"Alright, but later. And I won't forget."

Serena just tearfully nodded. Once Luna was gone she started hyperventilating again. She fought for almost a half-hour to control herself; she just couldn't let her Uncle think anything was wrong with her. After getting into semi-formal clothes she made up her face and pulled her hair back into a ponytail and waited. After an hour a voice filled the front room and she ran out of her bedroom.

"Where's my Sere? Ah! There she is!"

Serena's face held a genuine smile as she jumped up giving her uncle a big bear hug. He had her stand back for a second to look at her,

"My, is that you? Amanda, what have you done with the little girl I remember from four years ago?"

Serena laughed and simply shrugged, replying "She's all grown up!"

He laughed a patted her shoulder,

"I guess so! Well, we brought home pizza, would you like some?"

Serena's smile now was less genuine, but she nodded her head. Dinner was going great until Rini decided to cut into her and her uncle's conversation.

"Hey Serena, guess what?"

Rini's annoying, loud voice called from across the table. Serena sighed.

"What is it, Rini?"

Rini smiled smugly.

"I was over at your boyfriend's house yesterday and he said that I could come by _any_time I wanted!"

Serena knew Rini wasn't trying to be cruel, just annoying, but it felt like she had plunged her butter knife deep into Serena's chest. She tried to keep her voice calm as she stared down at her plate and said,

"Oh, that's nice." Rini frowned, "That's nice? What? Aren't you kinda jealous? I mean, that kind of makes him my boyfriend too!"

Serena was gripping the underside of the table for support to keep from breaking down. Her uncle looked confusedly at Amanda, who explained;

"It's Serena's boyfriend, Darien. He's a very nice young man, always helping to look after Rini. In fact Rini's got kind of a crush on him."

Jack playfully elbowed Serena, who tried extremely hard not to flinch,

"Got some competition, huh?"

She tried to smile, but suspected it came out more of a grimace. Her uncle frowned,

"Well, I think I should meet this boy who's got my two nieces competing with each other over him. You know since your father's not here anymore Serena, god rest his soul, I think I should fill in for the intimidating parental figure."

Serena couldn't keep the worry out of her eyes as she looked up at him and said,

"You wouldn't! Please, don't!"

Jack kindly patted her arm and said to Uncle Rick,

"Don't worry, sir. I've already threatened to beat him with a blunt object if her touches her!"

Uncle Rick nodded in acceptance, but continued,

"I'd still like to meet him."

Serena tried very hard not to break her smile and said,

"Sure, I'll invite him. Um, can I be excused, please?"

Amanda frowned,"But Serena, my dad just got here, you haven't barely spent any time with him."

Serena looked apologetically at her uncle,

"Sorry, it's just I have this huge assignment due tomorrow and I really have to finish it. I promise we'll catch up tomorrow."

She gave him a quick hug and he patted her head, "Always the studious one, ya know, I'll be amazed if you're not valedictorian!"

Serena blushed and said, "No, that title's definitely reserved for my best friend Amy, I'll have her come over sometime this week for you to meet her!"

He nodded and she hurried to her room and shut the door. She slumped on her bed, not even bothering to take her hair out of a pony-tail and just tried to fall asleep. She lay awake for another hour and a half before Luna came back in to sleep on her bed. She closed her eyes and made herself breathe evenly, though she felt like she was about to feel pain again. She struggled to suppress it again and this time succeeded more than she liked. She felt completely numb and could barely remember feeling anything. She just knew that it would hurt to feel again and so she lay there looking at the crescent moon in the night sky until around four in the morning.

Morning snuck up on Serena without her even realizing it. After she left the house quietly, so as not to wake up her uncle nor Luna, she was met at her corner by only Raye and Amy. She walked right past them, not wanting them to bug her as she was certain Luna had told them to. They hurriedly caught up to her. Raye stood in front of her as Amy stood at her side. She looked warily at them and said,

"I told you I don't need to be walked to school."

Raye gave her an exasperated look and Amy said, "Serena, we're just really worried about you!"

She eyed them for a moment, "What about Lita and Mina? Aren't they worried too?"

Raye glanced at Amy, who sighed and said, "We thought if we all came it would seem like we were ganging up on you…Lita and Mina are waiting at school."

"Obviously that plan backfired," Serena retorted.

Then she took a deep breath and looked at them imploringly. "Look, I know that you guys are worried, and I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to trust me on this one. I know what I'm doing and you guys don't have to worry about me blowing my head off. I may not be fantastic, but I _am_ fine." And with that she walked around Raye and kept on to school. Raye and Amy didn't try to stop her again.

* * *

Darien's heart got caught in his throat when he saw _her_ walking with Raye and Amy. She looked beautiful as always. He leaned against a tree to watch her strode past him on the other side of the street. She looked so carefree and happy. The pain worsened when he realized that she didn't look the least bit depressed. Here he was wallowing in self-inflicted misery and she looked as though she didn't even miss him. He slammed his fist into the tree to try and drive out some of his pain. An old man walking by gave him a surprised look. Darien ignored him and continued to gaze at Serena as she and her friends walked away.

He missed her so much! It seemed like a week since he'd seen her. Watching her gave him some sense of peace in himself and he promised himself he'd look in on her tonight. He knew he was being stalker-ish, but he didn't really give a damn! The sight of her now seemed like something to look forward to instead of just thinking about her every minute. Once he had gotten a hold of his emotions he continued down the street, thinking about seeing her again.

* * *

Serena supposed Raye and Amy had finally gotten the message that she wanted to be alone because Mina and Lita weren't waiting at the entrance of the school and she saw they talking to Raye and Amy once they were inside. Serena sighed. She knew she'd have to tell them what she was doing eventually, but she'd finally gotten some semblance of control over her emotions and she wasn't about to give that up for her friends to worry a little less than they _always_ did. If she was acting all mope they'd worry and now that she was acting all okay they were worrying. She'd just have to spend more time acting happy than sad now. School passed by quickly with none of her friends talking to her. She knew that they would eagerly speak with her if she started a conversation and was grateful that they seemed to be leaving her alone.

'Just four more days,' she kept telling herself, 'just four more.'

They might as well have been four weeks with the way time was passing when she wasn't in school. And once they were gone and her uncle was back in California, then what? She'd cry, scream, give into the pain? How was she possibly going to get through this? And what would her life be like now that Darien was gone? How could she move on when she'd loved him more than anything else in the world? She let a cry of frustration be released into her pillow as she sat on her bed. Sighing she decided to go out, Rini was still at school and Jack and Amanda were busy taking Uncle Rick sight seeing around the Empire State Building. Walking down the street she heard cries of terror and raced to them. She transformed and was about to call the Scouts for help, when she turned her communicator off and put it in her space pocket. There was no need to involve them in something that she could easily handle herself. She let only one emotion out when she turned to face the demon; rage.

She punched and attacked it over and over again, not caring if she killed it, only that she made it feel pain. She was also mainly concerned with how long until her punching bag would start hitting back. She was able to evade a few of its punches, but then got knocked into a tree. She was almost seeing stars and the demon was about to kill her when it got an attack of flames at its back. It turned to face the other Scouts who had just arrived, but quickly lost interest and went back to her. It was about to shoot her with energy fire when Tuxedo Mask jumped in front of her and used his cane as a shield for both of them.

She was still dazed by the hit to the head and looked up at him, "Darien?"

The other scouts began to attack the demon and he lifted her stiffly into his arms and ran to the edge of the battle. Her stomach was filled with a mixture of emotions, ranging from ecstasy at being in his, however formal and temporary, embrace to pain at the memories his touch evoked.

"Put me down," she said softly, hating herself the entire time, she should be enjoying the few moments he was actually touching her, acting like he truly cared about her safety.

"I have to finish this." She insisted.

He seemed hesitant and for one brief moment she hoped it was because he didn't want her to get hurt, but then her rational side reminded her that it was probably because he didn't think she could do it. She was determined to show him how strong she was. She walked, slowly so as not to give off how much trouble she was having balancing, to the battle.

"Where's the weak spot?" she asked, her voice exhausted. She looked at Mercury when she didn't answer, "Well?"

She heard Jupiter's voice behind her, "Sailor Moon, we can handle this! You've done enough; you look like you can barely stand. We'll take care of this one!" Serena straightened herself and anger built up in her again and this time she did nothing to stop it as she turned to Jupiter and said,

"I can handle it! Now where's the damn weak spot?"

When Venus just ignored her and sent another attack at the demon Serena sprinted up to the demon, intending to use her scepter.

"Serena! No!" she heard Raye's voice behind her. But she ignored them and slammed her fist into the only soft part on the demon she could find; its stomach. She backed up and was about to cry 'Moon Scepter Elimination!' when one of its arms snaked out and whipped her to the ground.

She felt the world go blurry as the voices around her slowly became fainter.

* * *

Like I said please review, I know it's annoying for authors to keep asking for them and most of you won't but just know that they are very important to so any of you that have the time I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks,

SailorEarth007


	6. Chapter 5: Fine vs Not Fine

Author notes from previous time I posted the story at the bottom of the page. If you aren't confused about anything just go on to the following chapter :') sorry bout my former rambling nature. Enjoy

Redundant disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.

**Chapter 5**

**Fine vs. Not Fine**

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* * *

**

Darien's mind couldn't let go of the feeling of her in his arms. When she'd told him to let her go he almost ignored her. It took all this will power not to crush her in a strong embrace. And now she was charging back to the enemy.

As he watched her retreat from him he still couldn't help but marvel slightly at her. Her strength, beauty, courage, and power just radiated off of her as she charged back into battle. He knew she felt that she was nothing like her Moon Princess counterpart, but they were more alike than even she realized. Therefore his heart stopped for the second time in two days when the demon's arm came out and his Serena crumpled to the ground.

He was the first one to get to her even though he'd been the farthest away. Mars and Venus continued to battle the demon with their powers while Mercury and Jupiter and he looked over her. She was unconscious for only a few moments, but those were the scariest moments of his life. When she opened her eyes a look of intense pain crossed her face for a millisecond, but it had passed so quickly he didn't know if he'd actually seen it or imagined it.

She stood up and then in a low, commanding voice asked Mercury, "Where is the weak spot?"

He saw Mercury gulp under her angry gaze and only whispered, "Its left arm."

Jupiter then stood in front of her for only a moment, before backing down from the look Serena gave her.

'She sure could play the part of the leader when she wanted to!' Darien thought, his heart racing by what was happening.

Then she noticed he was next to her and a look of confusion and pain crossed her face, but she turned and marched off to the demon. Darien looked in time to see her cry, "Moon Scepter Elimination!" And then the demon was destroyed.

Darien picked himself up and walked away. After he leapt onto the nearest building he imagined that after the battle Serena had looked at the rest of the scouts with a proud smile on her face and her eyes dancing. He imagined her musical voice and it pretended it filled his ears saying to them,

"See? I told you I could do it!"

She sounded so happy in his head, his heart didn't think he could take that she didn't miss him any longer and he jumped building to building until he reached his apartment, knowing that her face would fill his mind as he tried to let sleep come to him.

* * *

Serena didn't think she could take the sight of him walking away from her for much longer. Seeing him standing over her when she'd awoken made her want to vomit at the thought of him realizing how weak and stupid she was. He must have really thought she was pathetic if she couldn't handle just a little bump on the head, which was threatening to give her a bad headache.

She felt weak, if she had only let the others handle this, she wouldn't have had to pass out in front of him. That was probably part of the reason he broke up with her, she wasn't strong enough for him. She'd never really understood why he'd started liking her in the first place a year and a half ago. Finally she stopped thinking altogether for a few moments. She just stared at the disappearing pile of demon ashes.

"Serena?" she heard Amy ask timidly.

When she didn't respond, she heard Amy walk closer and more forcefully cry, "Serena!"

Finally Serena lifted her gaze to meet her friends. She saw Amy's eyes widen in shock. She looked at Serena again, this time with a softer voice,

"Serena this has to stop. Tell us what you're feeling. Don't worry about being embarrassed, be sad or angry or hurt, just feel something! Please! I can't stand looking at you like this."

'She wants emotion,' Serena thought randomly, thoughts were getting harder to place in the correct order, but something in her mind was telling her it would be all over soon.

Serena closed her eyes and used an inhuman amount of strength and gave Amy a smile. By this time Lita, Raye, and Mina had walked up as well and were looking at her, worry clear on their faces. She knew she was scaring them, but at the moment she didn't care.

She made her voice appear calm and relaxed and said slowly, "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."

Lita walked in front of her and put her hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eye, "No, you're not. You need to deal with this before it destroys you, Serena. We're just here to help. Let us!"

She looked at Lita calmly in the eye; she didn't trust herself to speak. She needed them to understand without her telling them because if she didn't get away from them soon she felt she might crack. She firmly lifted Lita's hands from her shoulders and said,

"Thanks for the offer, but I really don't need your help. I can handle this on my own. Don't worry about me. I'm fine."

'I'm fine,' she repeated in her head. If she kept saying it she knew she would be able to convince herself it was true.

* * *

She flashed them the best smile she could manage and walked away, leaving her friends standing there in shock. None of them had ever seen Serena smile with less joy in their lives. It was almost like looking at a corpse, her pale skin shown in the moon light and her eyes looked dead inside. Amy's lip quivered as she turned to the others.

"I don't think I've ever seen her like this. It's worse than shock, at least with that the person isn't trying. I've never seen her try so hard to be happy."

Lita and Mina looked at each other and then at Luna.

"Luna, what should we do?" Lita asked, her voice lined with worry. Luna shook her head. She had no idea.

"This is more than not dealing with it. This is like watching your emotions thrash inside of you, trying to get out and locking them in tighter. If she continues on like this she's going to explode," Mina said solemnly.

Lita looked at her, "Well, what do you think that just was? She didn't call us; she didn't call anyone, if Amy and I hadn't been in the area who knows what might have happened!"

Amy's voice rang out after a few moments of silence, "And the way she was beating it to a pulp. That's not what we do. We destroy the demons, not use them as a punching bag!"

Mina looked up to the stars, her lovely face lined with worry, "I can only pray to Venus to give me the strength to help her. We've got to do something, but I have no idea what!"

Lita de-transformed and picked up her purse, "I say we let Artemis in on this. See if he has any ideas! If not, we could always have an intervention, but I'm not sure if that would help."

Luna sighed, "Let's just get home. Serena obviously isn't going to listen to us right now, but I'll try later tonight!" And the four of them slowly walked silently away.

Serena slowly walked home with a cup of coffee in her hand. She felt exhausted from not only the battle but the four hours of sleep she had gotten in the past two nights. She was nervous about what she was going to do when she got home. She had put so much effort into looking happy for her friends after the battle that she didn't know how much she had left for her uncle. With the small boost of energy from the coffee, she opened her front door. Her uncle was sitting in the living room with Jack reading a newspaper.

"Hey Sere, where've you been?"

Serena walked in and sat down. "Sorry, I guess I kind of lost track of time."

Her uncle put his newspaper down, "Spending time with this Darien Shields?"

He raised his eyebrows. Serena paused for a second then replied, "Yes, and Amy and my other friends. We went out for a coffee-thing."

He looked at her for another second, then smiled and said, "Alright. Well are you up for a card game or do you still have homework to do?"

Serena would have dearly loved to go to her room to not act happy, but then feared Amanda, or worse Luna, might say something so she just smiled and said, "Sure, Rummy; first one to five hundred?"

He laughed, "As usual. My, it's been a long time since we sat down for a card game. Hey Jack, you up for one?"

Jack kindly turned him down as did Amanda, but unfortunately Rini was more than willing to play.

"How do you play?" She asked brightly.

Serena couldn't conceal her groan of annoyance, _of course_ she'd have to spend the evening teaching the annoying brat how to play her favorite card game! Her uncle winked at her and she gave him a small smile back. The evening passed a lot slower with just one other person besides Rini to talk to.

It wasn't that she hated Rini, it was just the brat did so many annoying things that Serena realized she herself did. She tried not to do them as much anymore, but Rini just reminded her of how annoying she'd been.

And it also didn't help that she always behaved for everyone _except_ Serena. Now it even seemed as though she'd stolen Darien away from her. Serena tried very hard not to react when Rini brought up his name, yet again.

"And I'm going to see Darien tomorrow because he promised to take me to see the cherry blossoms and also I want him to buy me an ice cream. But I want it to be chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips…"

Serena tried hard to tune her out as she prattled on about Darien. Uncle Rick just found this extremely funny, so Serena said nothing. She just played with a smile on her face and pretended to get angry when her uncle would win a hand. She got more and more irritated with Rini as the evening went on.

This was _her_ time with _her_ uncle! Not the brat, who they already knew was from the future and had brainwashed Amanda, Jack, and now Uncle Rick. She'd just invaded her life and now she'd even managed to steel Darien. Serena knew how pathetic it was to be competing with a seven-year-old, but she couldn't help it! She excused herself to her room as soon as she could and changed into her pajamas. As soon as she turned off the lights she found Luna sitting on her bed with a sad-eyed expression on her face.

"Serena…" she began. Serena's eyes widened as she whispered swiftly,

"Luna, no!"

But Luna wasn't backing down, "No, you are not going to avoid this Serena, we need to talk!" Serena walked past her and lay down in her bed.

"Not now." Luna walked on her legs,

"Yes, now! If not now, then when?" Serena looked up at the night sky again.

"I don't know, but not right now!" Serena sighed. Her emotions were starting to come to the surface again. Luna's voice softened,

"Serena, please, don't shut me and your friends out. We can't protect you if you don't let us in." Serena sat up quickly and said, surprised how monotone her voice sounded,

"This isn't about defeating the Evil sisters and Rubeus so I really don't see how it involves you and the others as far as protecting me. Please, just leave me alone." She lay back down on her pillow and turned away. She heard Luna sigh and didn't feel her form on the bed, but saw her leap to the window sill. Luna turned back to her for a moment,

"This isn't about protecting you from an enemy, but you are endangering yourself. And if you think we're only worried about you because you're Sailor Moon, you're wrong. We care about _you_, Serena. If you finally decide you want to talk tonight, we're only a communicator call away."

With that she disappeared into the night leaving Serena feeling very worried about the 'tonight' part of what Luna said. She groaned into her pillow as she realized they had something planned for tomorrow. She began hyperventilating again as her pushed-back pain was given another boost of strength at the memory of Darien's retreating back.

* * *

FORMER AUTHORS NOTES from previous post of the story (feel free to ignore):

Okay, I feel really stupid. See, my mind sometimes has these little periods where it just does not work properly. I realize now that I'd put many references to things I'd just assumed people would just naturally know because they could naturally read my every thought and know all the stories I **haven't even written yet**. My apologies! This is why I should have written my version of the first season before I wrote this one, but I guess I was just so excited about this story I couldn't wait. By that I mean that when I get my prequel to this story written and on _everything_ will make sooooo much more sense, but for now here are the facts so as to better understand this story. Thanks so much to SkylerKnight for bringing these questions to my attention.

SkylerKnight: 'SO Serena's parents are dead? How when? How old is she?  
SO is Rini her "sister"?  
Who's Jack and Amanda?'

First off Serena's parents died in a car accident almost half a year after she found out she was Sailor Moon back in the first season. Please don't worry about exactly when it happened because its not relevant to this story, but I PROMISE to explain in the next story! Serena is seventeen years old –she was sixteen when she became Sailor Moon- again don't ask why because there is a reason that will be explained in the other story. I'm getting tired of writing that, I REALLY SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT ONE FIRST! Stupid stupid brain! I'm okay now. Rini's character stayed the same as in the anime-as in she's still considered Serena's 'cousin' by the other characters-; only instead of hypnotizing Serena's parents she hypnotized her cousin. Furthermore Amanda is Serena's father's niece and Serena's uncle's daughter (so she's Serena's first cousin). Serena's father originally only had one brother; Uncle Rick, but after Rini hypnotized everyone it was then accepted that Serena's father had _two_ brothers and Rini's the daughter of the other one. Jack is Amanda's husband. Serena went to live with them after her parents died.

Complicated yet? Oh, don't worry there's worse stuff up here in my mind! I'm like a freakin' soap opera writer! But yeah, I hope you all will forgive me and continue to read my _very_ AU Sailor Moon story and not be too disappointed. Again please REVIEW and thank you sooo much to all who have reviewed. Your comments give me the courage to go back into the creative side of my mind –it's scarily unorganized in there- and write more of the story. I hope it will get even better as it goes one. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. I know this is a long author's note and for that I apologize. And now…on with the fanfic!


	7. Chapter 6: Intervention

I apologize to people who have story alert for this story and are being told this chapter is up twice, it is not I'm afraid, i just read a minor error while reading 'the live preview' and had to edit it once again before officially publishing it. Sorry it's short, the next one's longer, i promise.

I do not own Sailor Moon.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Intervention**

Serena groaned as she heard her alarm blaring in her ear. She lay in bed for a minute trying to prepare herself for the coming day. She just knew that all the scouts were going to be waiting outside. As she got herself ready she considered asking Amanda to call her in sick and not go to school this morning, but then she realized they'd just come inside.

It would be much easier to run away from them if she wasn't trapped in her room. She stepped out of the house to find her worse suspicions come true; all of them, including Luna, were waiting at the base of her steps. She couldn't even walk past them. When she got to the bottom of the steps she asked politely,

"Excuse me."

When none of them moved or cringed under her gaze she sighed.

"What do you want?"

Raye looked her in the eye. "You know exactly what!"

Serena looked down, then tried to push her way through, but found them too strong for her. Serena was having trouble suppressing her anger. How dare they just corner her like this! She contemplated for a moment running back inside, but didn't think she could lock the door before they came after her.

"What is this? I thought you weren't planning on ganging up on me!"

She looked Amy directly in the eye and was surprised to find her eyes met hers, unflinching. Lita's strong voice came at her,

"This isn't a bullying session, this is an intervention."

Serena was unable to suppress her shock,

"Right, but you see interventions are for people who are in trouble and, as I've said a million times, I'm fine. Now let me through!"

The side of Mina's mouth twitched, "See, now that's denial. And a little anger."

Serena's fury was rising, but she fought to control it and calmly said,

"I know the stages of grief, I've been through them before, remember? I can deal with this on my own."

When they still wouldn't move she stared at them exasperated, "Fine, if you'll just let me get through school, I'll try to tell you what I'm doing after, just please let me go!"

Mina's expression was completely serious as she said, "And there's bargaining."

Serena looked each of them in the eye. They stood silently for another few moments before Luna sighed, "Very well, but after school you are going to tell us!"

"And we mean it!" Lita added.

Serena took another moment to compose herself before looking up and them and nodding. Amy looked at her with tears in her eyes, but Serena was too irritated and walked through the opening they'd given her.

She could have sworn she heard Raye whisper, "See? I told you this was a bad idea!"

Serena rolled her eyes as she walked down the street, she knew they were following her, but she'd promised to explain everything so she figured that had bought her a little alone time. She had no idea what to say to them. Their reaction to what she was doing scared her more than any demon they'd come up against. She quickened her pace, almost as if she would be able to outrun them and not have to explain anything. She didn't know if she'd be able to keep her emotions in check.

Now the school day was passing slowly as she wished for a chance to escape. She knew she couldn't avoid them forever, just long enough until her uncle left. Serena secretly knew that her uncle was just an excuse to hide from the pain, but it was the only one she had. Outwardly Serena had convinced herself that this was all about her uncle having a nice visit and she told herself 'three more days, three more days' over and over again in her head. When she finally got out of school she was surprised to find that none of them were waiting for her.

She searched the parking lot, but couldn't find any of them. She was about to breathe a sigh of relief when a small voice told her this wasn't over. She feared they might wait for her at home and so she took off towards a nearby park. Sitting on the bench overlooking a small pond gave her a sense of peace.

This was wiped clean from her the minute she laid eyes on Darien. She knew he couldn't see her from where he was standing, but she recognized his green jacket from anywhere. She was torn between looking at him and running away. She chose the latter. She found herself walking towards Raye's temple. When she arrived she took a deep breath and then walked in, knowing what was to come. She found them all sitting in Raye's bedroom, eating some of Lita's brownies.

Serena knew it was stupid, but she couldn't help but feel a tiny bit better at the thought of some of Lita's amazing cooking. They all looked somewhat surprised to see her and she sat down on Raye's bed.

"Let's get this over with?" Mina nodded and went to close the door.

Amy went up and sat next to her, taking her hand. Serena felt the pain beginning to spread to her and she fought for a second before pushing it down. When she opened her eyes she found four pairs of eyes staring at her.

Amy was frowning,"Why do you do that?" Serena looked at her, "What?"

"Push your feelings down; we all see what it is you're doing. You don't have to explain that part, the question we're looking for is why!"

Serena sighed, "Because of my uncle."

There was a silence for a few moments and Serena looked down. She could see in the corner of her eye all the scouts looked confused. Finally Raye's voice broke the silence,

"What?"

Serena mumbled, "He's here, in New York City."

Serena could tell Amy was trying to be patient, "But what does that mean Serena?"

"It means I haven't seen him since my parents died! He just got in the day…the day after Darien…broke up with me."

Serena could tell they were catching up, but she couldn't really concentrate on them when her pain was threatening to come to the surface with the memories. Mina was starting to get it,

"So you didn't want to-" "-ruin his visit." Serena finished.

She nodded, "Yes, Amanda hasn't seen her father since then and I didn't want to make everyone worry about me and see me be all sad and depressed."

She paused, trying to collect herself. This time no one interrupted until she spoke, "The last time I really spent anytime with him without being depressed over my parents was four years ago. He's my favorite uncle. I couldn't…I can't let him think I'm still sad over my parents _every_day and if I told him the real reason why he'd just try and hurt Darien."

"Well, somebody should," she heard Lita mutter.

Amy turned to Lita and gave her a silencing glare.

Serena took a breath, "Darien just doesn't have those kinds of feelings for me. I can't force him to and I can't blame him. He just had to tell me so that I wouldn't get hurt. But with my uncle, I just have to be happy for another three days."

Mina, who was sitting on the floor in front of her, put her hand on Serena's knee and said, "But you're not, you're in pain. Anyone who looks close enough can tell. Please Serena, what you're doing is dangerous. Just let you're feelings out, even if it's only for a little while, please. Serena you're scaring us!"

Serena stood up; her voice was now in monotone as she had just used her last bit of strength to not cry,

"I can't. I'm sorry that you're worried, but don't be. If I were to let my feelings out now, I wouldn't be able to stop…" she paused, "…I wouldn't be able to stop them from controlling me for the few days. I've come too far to let this get me. I'll be alright. I know you guys trying to help, but you are only making this harder!"

With that she opened the door and walked out of the temple. When she got to the street she leaned against the side of the wall surrounding the temple. She closed her eyes and pushed down her pain again, it was becoming harder and harder with each passing day. She turned and walked home, trying to think only of homework. Rini was annoying her too much that evening to try to play another card game so she just went to her room to do homework, earning a disappointing glance from Amanda.

She just ignored her and finished her homework. She was in bed staring up at the moon when suddenly Luna jumped through the window. Serena didn't even care and tried to pretend she was asleep, but Luna wasn't fooled.

"Serena, I've just heard your explanation to the scouts."

Serena kept her eyes closed, silently willing Luna to go away, after a few moments she replied,

"And?" "I don't approve."

Serena opened her eyes and looked at Luna, confused,

"What? I thought of all people…or cats, you would be supportive."

Luna looked surprised, "What? Why did you think I'd support you hurting yourself?"

Serena stood and walked to the window, "I'm trying to do the right thing, be strong. You're the one who's always telling me to try to act more like the princess I'm supposed to be. Well, that's what I'm doing! I'm trying to think of others and be strong and not have to lean on anyone. I'm trying to be a leader."

She heard Luna start to pace on her bed, but she didn't turn around, "Is this what you think I'm trying to teach you? To hide all your emotions in order to mentally torture yourself? A good leader knows when ask for help and not let pride rule their actions!"

* * *

Serena whirled around and looked at the cat. Luna saw the anger that was clearly forming across Serena's beautiful face, "You think pride is what's ruling me? It's for my family that I'm doing this! For everyone else! For the whole world! Do you know how little an asset I'd be to the Sailor Scouts if I gave into my pain?"

Luna stopped pacing, frustrated, "Then this isn't about pride, but it is about fear! Serena, everyone goes through grief, but you're taking it to another level in deny the natural process of getting over this."

Luna could tell Serena's anger was coming at her, "Why don't you call this what it is Luna? That I'm a stupid, lovesick girl who won't give up love to make her heart feel better!"

Luna was shocked as Serena's words sank in, "Give up love? Serena, do you think that if you get over this pain that you won't love Darien anymore?"

Serena didn't answer and Luna sighed, "Serena, you have much to learn about the ways of the world and even more about the ways of the heart."

Luna was disappointed when saw Serena walk back into bed. Her voice sounded exhausted as she turned away from Luna,

"Well since you obviously aren't going to teach me any of those things tonight, could you just for once, stop lecturing and go away!"

Luna sighed and went to the window, this was getting to be a disturbing partner, "Very well, Serena. Goodnight."

And with that Luna jumped off the window and disappeared into the night, running to Amy's house, just like the night before.


	8. Chapter 7: The Attack on the Temple

Author's Note from last time:

This is the seventh chapter of my breakup fanfic. This isn't as long as hoped it would be. I'm finally at the part where I've already written some of it (as in I have a lot of one-shots that I'm going to just plug in!) so if my writing style slightly changes at some parts, that's why. Thanks again for the comments. And please continue, it's so great to see people analyzing the way I'm portraying the characters, it somehow makes them more real to me! Don't ask how my mind works, but that's how it goes. I'm finally through the difficult writing part! Now I can get to the part I looked forward to in the first place! Expect to see much longer chapters and much more action and drama in the future! But for now…enjoy!

I do not own Sailor Moon.

**

* * *

Chapter 7**

**The Attack on the Temple**

Serena tried to sleep, but Luna's words were still repeating over and over in her head. Had she really said she didn't want to 'give up love'? Serena shook her head, surely she didn't believe that. Giving up love seemed like a brilliant idea if it made this horrible, looming pain go away. But in the back of her mind she knew Luna was right; she did feel that if she let the pain out and dealt with it…that when it was all over…she wouldn't love him anymore.

'Is that really a bad thing?'

her mind asked. But Serena shook her head, no matter what he had said about his lack of feelings for her; she still wanted to love him. She'd sacrificed and given too much not to. She knew it was stupid to have feelings for a man who'd never return them, but that was the way love was, right? Irrational? Serena definitely felt logic was not on her side in this.

She put her attention back on the moon. It was slowly getting larger with each night she stared up at it and somehow she naturally took comfort in its celestial glow.

A tear fell down her cheek as she tried to sleep, not being able to fall into until the early hours of the morning. She felt bad about how she'd been treating her friends and especially Luna. Serena couldn't remember the last time Luna had spent so many nights away. She decided to stay away from them, for tomorrow at least. They didn't need her sad face around them to make the place all somber.

No, she'd let them have at least one day of happiness, maybe even worry-free. Serena smirked, she remembered when her life used to be worry-free, but that now seemed like too much to ask. Serena didn't know when morning had snuck up on her, but she opened her eyes soon enough.

Relief flooded her senses when she didn't see her friends waiting for at the end of the steps. She walked to school peacefully, not having to pretend for a few minutes. She kept to her word last night and didn't speak to any of her friends, though they all looked like they wanted to speak to her.

Serena was starting to feel bad, as much as she might say she's ignoring them for their sake, she knew it was because she wanted some time off from pretending. She promised to make it up to them tomorrow. The day passed by fairly swiftly and she soon found herself at home again. After doing homework for a while she didn't even realize she had fallen asleep until she felt Rini tickling her awake. She could have sworn she'd heard her say,

"That crystal's gotta be here somewhere."

But she couldn't be sure. She lifted Rini up by her wrists, who squirmed and yelled,

"Hey! Put me down!"

Serena eyed her, "What were you doing?"

When Rini didn't answer Serena put her on her bed and stood in front of her with her arms crossed,

"Well? What were you looking for? I can't imagine you were just trying to tickle me awake!"

Rini stuck her tongue out at Serena and glared at her. Serena was temped to do the same, but remained calm. Rini glared for another moment before curtly replying,

"As a matter of fact I was! You don't have to be so paranoid you know!"

Serena glared at her, "Rini!"

But Rini dashed out of the room before Serena could stop her. Serena sighed, one day that little brat was going to push her too far. After dinner and a family movie she finished her homework and sat on her bed, falling asleep early for the first time in a week.

When she woke up the next day she figured she'd best try to make up for her behavior towards her friends. She left the house really early and waited for Raye outside her temple. Just after Raye came out of the temple, her face held surprise at the sight of Serena, but it quickly turned into a scowl as she looked over at the temple. Serena's face instantly held concern,

"Raye, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Raye muttered.

They started walking to school when Serena heard Raye muttering under her breath. Serena put a hand on Raye's shoulder,

"Raye, tell me what's wrong."

Raye's angry face switched for a moment with a concerned one and she looked at Serena,

"It's nothing. Trust me you've got enough to worry about."

After that she was silent. Serena sighed and walked in front of Raye and turned around, not unlike Raye had done to her a few days earlier. Serena looked her in the eye,

"Raye, look. I'll be the first one to say my life's not perfect, but I'm not about to go about pretending everyone else's is. Now please stop being careful of what you say around me."

She tilted her head and smiled, "I can't take you being nice to me all the sudden, it's too unusual!"

Raye smirked for a second before it dissolved and she sighed. They started walking again as she explained about her grandfather's class and his health.

"I'm really worried about him, he's acting like he's twenty instead of sixty-five! His doctor told him to take it easy, but here he is opening up a martial arts class!"

Serena lightly patted Raye's shoulder, then finally gave her a small hug, whispering,

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out, I promise!"

Raye gave her a small smile, which Serena returned. Figuring out other people's problems was easier than trying to analyze her own. The rest of day went relatively fine, the others seemed happy that she was speaking to them again. Serena tried to genuinely act like normal and she mostly did this by focusing on Raye's problem. She'd decided to stop by the temple in the evening to help Raye out with some of the chores that were piling up with the class happening.

The afternoon went fairly well, Rini was less annoying than usually and evaded Serena, thankfully. Serena wasn't complaining. The brat didn't seem to want to stay in the same room as her; maybe she had been looking for something after all. She and her uncle went for a nice long walk after dinner in a park.

"So how have ya been doing kido? Holding up okay?"

His question took her off guard and she struggled to keep a smile,

"Yes, of course. Everything's great."

He accepted this, but continued,

"You know I've been worried about you lately, there have been a lot of changes in your life in the past year."

Serena nodded, he had no idea how many.

"Yes, but I've just been rolling with the punches, you know keeping it all together. Amanda and Jack have been awesome. I couldn't have asked for better 'legal guardians'!"

She said in jest, as that was their formal title over her instead of just being her cousin and cousin-in-law. He smiled at that,

"Yep, they sure are great to take in both you and Rini." Serena nodded and they walked in comfortable silence until they got home.

* * *

Serena walked slowly to Raye's temple, wondering how she was going to make it through the next day. Tomorrow was her uncle's last day and then she could feel again. She shook her head and tried not to think about it as she neared Raye's temple.

Her eyes narrowed as she saw dark energy rising in the temple's direction. She sprinted there with all the speed she could muster, her anger coming to the surface again. She gasped in horror at what she saw inside. Raye was kneeling protectively over her grandfather as a demon hovered over them ready to attack.

Serena quickly transformed into Sailor Moon and threw her scepter as to block the demon's energy. Her anger heightened at the sight of one of the Evil sisters.

"Hey! Who threw the disk?" she heard the evil sister cry.

She smirked and stepped out from behind one of the pillar, "It's a scepter, negascum!"

She continued to do her whole speech about how she was Sailor Moon and saw the evil sister she recognized as Katsy get more and more angry. Serena smirked and replied,

"You're toast, nobody messes with my friends and their families and get's away with it! You're going down!"

And she threw herself against the demon, knocking it out of the ring. Quickly she was barely able to miss a couple of its counter attacks, but soon became cornered. The demon sent a huge wave of dark energy towards her when suddenly a rose flew it and stopped it.

Serena looked to the ring and saw Tuxedo Mask standing on one of the poles! She felt her heart feel a glimmer of hope that perhaps he still cared. But she didn't have time to think about that, for the demon was about to attack again.

"Sailor Moon, use your scepter!" Tuxedo Mask cried.

Serena was barely able to hold in a sarcastic 'duh' and whipped it out.

"Moon Scepter Elimination!" she cried and the demon turned to dust. She pointed the scepter at Katsy and said, "Now it's your turn!"

Unfortunately it wasn't.

For Katsy then sent an ice fire storm Serena's way that she just barely avoided. She kept dogging the attacks, but was getting worn out. Eventually she was pushed against a tree and closed her eyes and waited for the end.

Suddenly she was pushed out of the way by Raye, who dodge the attack herself. Serena watched in admiration as Raye took on one of the more powerful evil sisters. When she saw that Raye might not win she was about to step in to help her. Suddenly she felt a restricting hand on her shoulder. Tuxedo Mask's cold voice rang out,

"Let her go! This is her fight!"

Serena's face paled at his touch, it brought back too many memories. She also felt so deflated that he'd assume Mars was strong enough when Serena wasn't. She guessed he'd never made anyone stand back and let her prove herself. A part of her wanted to believe it was because he cared so much he didn't want to loose her, but the loud part convinced her that he only thought she wasn't strong enough to do it.

She felt mixed feelings of pride and envy when Raye single-handedly defeated Katsy. Serena knew Tuxedo Mask was about to walk away when she said,

"Wait, Darien you saved me again! Surely that means you still love me!"

He turned, his eyes cold,

"No, it doesn't. No matter what our personal relationship is, we're still partners in the fight against the negaverse. I'll always come when the Sailor Scouts need help."

* * *

He didn't add that it was really only when _she_ was in danger that he felt the need to come. It was like a sixth sense, he felt an undeniable need to save her whenever he had the feeling she was in danger. And he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

He'd come so close to loosing her tonight. If he hadn't come…he didn't want to think about what would have happened. Imagining her lifeless body in his arms drove out any second guesses on his decisions to stay away from her. He couldn't help, but marvel at her beauty every time he was near her. And tonight she looked exquisitely flushed from the battle and he could barely take his eyes off her lips…he had to go!

He didn't think he could be near her for much longer without kissing her. It was also painful to see her so obviously over him. With that he walked slowly away, never hearing her soft whimper in the distance.

* * *

Serena felt like her heart was threatening to break all over again. She should never have confronted him about why he came to battles. She could have stayed in blissful ignorance and assumed it was because he cared. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

'Tomorrow' she told herself, 'Tomorrow I'll let it all out. Because I can't stand this any longer.'

She sighed and turned. She met with a hug from Raye, whose eyes were shining.

"Thank you! You really came through! I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't saved me!"

Serena smiled and returned the hug, at least Raye was doing better. She helped her clean up the temple a little before turning around and walking home.

"Tomorrow…tomorrow," she muttered the whole way home. She only prayed she didn't burst before then…and in front of the wrong audience.

* * *

AN:/ I was only barely able to find time to post this so the next one won't be until probably next weekend, however more reviews will fuel me into finding time. I'm NOT blackmailing for reviews because 1: i hate writers who do that. and 2: i don't believe my story's popular enough for that to even work.

But I would honestly really appreciate them. It would only take 20 seconds and that little bit of time on your part would mean so much to me. And another thank you goes out to those who have reviewed the story, i appreciate it A LOT. Like in my old author's note the kind of boring parts have been taken care of so it will get more exciting and dramatic in the coming chapters so I hope you enjoy them and if you do let me know. And so this is my last review request note at the bottom of the chapter. From now on I will only put 'PLEASE REVIEW' as a potential reminder...lol no more notes I promise.

Thank you,

Sailor Earth007


	9. Chapter 8: No More Holding Back

Sorry for the wait, college is killing me with business this semester but i'll try to update as quickly as i can, as before i would very much appreciate feedback.

OLD AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Presenting my favorite chapter thus far…chapter eight! Finally Serena's feelings are let out, so read on and see what happens! I'm sorry if some of this sounds different, but like I said on the last author's note I did write some of this before I started the first chapter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review on what you thought of the whole 'holding back' experience after the break up. But don't worry, this fanfic's far from over. My mind is just getting started with things that could happen so keep reading and I hope you won't be disappointed. Btw. I found that Serena would be one to get out her anger using her fist so this chapter might be a bit more violent than the others, don't worry, it's nothing so bad as to keep you from reading, I just thought I'd give you a heads up as to how much anger Serena's got stored up. I also feel it is necessary, due to certain references, to tell you that in my version of the first season (which I will be posting soon after I'm done with this story) Serena and Darien had a VERY on-off relationship…So anyway, without further a-do(I don't care if I spelled that right)…read on. Enjoy!

I do not own Sailor Moon. And anyone who says likewise (besides Naoko Takeuchi) is just kidding themselves.

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Chapter 8**

**No More Holding Back**

Serena woke up excited for some reason. She didn't remember why for a few minutes until she realized that her uncle was leaving today. Today she lost the main reason for holding her feelings in and now she would finally let them out. She became scared as she walked to school alone. Throughout the entire school day her mind tried to think of how or when she would even do it.

As soon as her uncle left for the airport?

Later when she was completely alone?

She went back to tapping her pencil on her desk all hour, but this time none of her friends stopped her. They knew what day it was and were watching her carefully every class.

When she finally got home she ate an early dinner with her family. Rini had gotten over her embarrassment of Serena catching her sneaking in her room and had gone back to being completely annoying. Serena's heart still clenched at the sound of Darien's name on Rini's lips yet again, but suppressed any reaction to it.

Finally the moment arrived. She gave her uncle a big hug, and then he left with Rini, Jack, and Amanda. He promised he'd have her and Rini visit someday soon in San Diego. She smiled and said she'd like that. She waved from the door as they got into the cab.

Then she started pacing again. She went back and forth and back and forth in her room. After she gave up on her homework, she decided perhaps it would be better to release her emotions on some unsuspecting demon. So she headed out.

It didn't take her more than a couple hours to find one. She gritted her teeth as she saw it attacking a playground where a few children and their parents were. She walked up to and started punching it, but it was too strong. Against her original wishes, she was forced herself to call the others for help. After that she used an old attack that hadn't worked in a while;

"Moon Tiara Magic!"

She cried at the top of her lungs. With the demon significantly weakened she started punching it over and over again.

She attacked it and let out everyone one of her emotions involving anger. She had it up against a tree and was just punching it over and over until finally she heard Jupiter's voice behind her,

"Sailor Moon! Just finish it!"

Serena turned around and saw that the scouts were staring at her with shocked expressions on their faces. She dismissed it and turned around, intent on beating on the demon some more, but found it was gone. She heard it cry out behind her and turned, it had been about to attack her with one of its arms. A single rose had pierced it and she turned and saw Tuxedo Mask in the distance.

"Finish it off, Sailor Moon!"

he commanded. Her eyes narrowed and she was about to keep punching it when she decided to listen. She grabbed its arm and threw it against a tree. Then she brought out her scepter and cried,

"Moon Scepter Elimination!"

Her breathing turned uneven as she stared at the pile of dust against the tree trunk. She turned when she heard Mars call her name,

"Serena?"

She no longer kept her rage in check and turned back to her friends. They were frowning at her.

"Serena, you've got to stop doing that!" Jupiter exclaimed.

"What? What is it that I'm doing that's so wrong?"

Mercury stepped forward, "It's not what you're doing, it's how you're doing it! We defeat the enemy; we don't beat them to a pulp beforehand!"

Serena's anger was about to snap and she turned to poor Mercury, "The enemy's dead in end, that's all that matters! What do you care if they have to suffer a little bit in advance? After all they're doing to innocent people and children how dare you take _their_ side!"

"Sailor moon; learn some control over your anger." Darien said coldly, and hating the action with every word that left his mouth, but couldn't seem to help himself. It hurt so much that she hadn't missed him or been sad at all. Although he would never consciously want her to feel any pain he just wanted to know that there was some part of her that missed him, even just a little.

How could she just continue on so easily with her life when seeing her and thinking about her was all that could get him through the day. It was torture for him not to be with her, holding her, kissing her, feeling her.

He was drowning in his own, self-imposed, misery and here she was walking around just fine, with her friends worried sick, and now she had the indecency to snap at them?

He expected a sassy comment back for his reprimand, but he was shocked to the core when she turned around, looking like she was ready to explode. In her fury her cheeks flushed beautifully and he had to keep focus in order to not simply gaze at her and tune out her, sure to be angry, rant.

"Control? Con-control?" She sputtered, through her teeth as if she hadn't heard him right.

Darien saw in horror that there were tears in her eyes through her anger. It took all his will not to let his emotions play out on his face, but retain an unsuspecting indifferent exterior.

"You think I don't know about control? I've had to control my emotions for the past six days! Because somebody decided to break up with me the day before my uncle got here! So great timing by the way! You may not feel any pain or hurt or regret, because _you_ broke up with _me_, but I do! And instead of being able to get mad, sad, depressed, or confused like a regular person could, I've had to force my emotions down for six days because if I let even a little out I wouldn't have been able to stop. I haven't seen my uncle since my parents died, and before that it had been three years! I don't want him and the rest of the family in California thinking that all I do is sit around, and mope and cry because I will probably not see him again for another two years! So I lie, I smile, and 'I'm happy'. But I'm lying through my teeth; because that's the only way I've been even allowed to survive! But guess what? He just left. So now I'm officially free to feel whatever the hell I want, and that includes anger, I'm ready to get it out of my system! So if you're ready to unleash it, bring it on!"

"Stop acting like a child." Darien replied and walked right past her, leaving.

It was the only thing he could think of to say. It didn't matter if it made sense or not. He didn't know how it was possible, but he hated himself even more. At first he was relieved that a part of her actually missed him, but then he realized how much pain she must actually be in, and not be able to show it. However little it might have been had now been magnified by her not being able to talk to anyone about it.

He felt horrible and wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, and hold her and tell her how very sorry he was. That nothing would ever keep him away from her again and that she'd never have to feel pain or hurt or sadness ever again and that he would love, cherish, and protect her until the day he died.

But he didn't.

He just walked slowly away. She called back to him,

"I'm not acting like a child. I'm acting like a human. Something you should think about doing from time to time!"

He then jumped up onto a roof, then hopped roofs to his house, not daring to stop till he got there, incase his weakness should give way and make him go back. He wanted to so very much, but he just couldn't. That thought of her being burned to death was enough to keep his feet and head steady, as he knew what he had to do. There was nothing left to do except trying not to think about the young woman he loved so much. Though he knew that would be completely impossible.

Serena could barely process the pain that was spreading through her entire body as she watched Darien leap up to the roofs and disappear into the night. She was confused at how the pain was softer, yet stronger when he was around. Now the pain had lessened a fraction of an amount, but what was left screamed through her chest.

She felt as though she had held her heart in her hands and offered it to him. And in return he had taken it, thrown it on the ground and stomped on it, effectively breaking it in half. Then every time they had met after he felt the need to take a hammer and smash it harder, shattering whatever had been left from their previous meeting.

She was about to sit down, to try to overcome this wave of pain when she heard an evil laughter above her head. She slowly willed herself to glance up and in the air, floating above her, was one of the Black Moon Sisters. Serena knew that she was looking up at her with a weary expression, but the sister's next words brought anger into her eyes.

"Look at poor little Sailor Moon! Ha ha ha! What'd you do, get dumped? I'm not surprised. Who'd want to be with a whiny little brat like you? I think that guy was insanely smart to let you go! Moon got dumped! Moon got dump-" She was knocked out of the air by Sailor Moon's tiara.

She landed with a thud on the ground, but quickly bounced up with anger, glaring at Serena and saying,

"Oh, you nosy little brat! You-" "You're gonna regret that, you filthy hag! I've have just about as much crap tonight as I can take and you just popped my last nerve!" Serena answered; anger rising in her what was once pain.

The evil sister laughed at her again, "Little girl you have no-" and the rest of the wind was knocked out of her by Serena launching her fist into her enemy's stomach.

The sister doubled over as Sailor Moon launched a ferocious attack at the enemy. She didn't know where this power was coming from, but her pain started to come more and more from exhaustion, the more she attacked her enemy, and less mental.

She continued to beat up the sister until the sister finally rose into the air and sent ice fire down on her, but Serena displayed sudden and unexpected agility and missed it. She then chucked her moon scepter at her. Then she cried at the top of her lungs,

"Moon Scepter Elimination!"

It effectively singed the sister's tutu and another sister appeared, calling,

"Come on sis, let's book it. This brat hitting for revenge and I'd rather be in the line of fire when she's more vulnerable."

When the sisters disappeared Serena de-transformed. When her knees gave out, she let herself fall to the ground. However instead of feeling the hard rush of concrete beneath her, she was caught in Mercury's arms and fell into her. Suddenly she could hold it in no more and let screams of pain echo into the night as she sobbed on her friend's shoulder.

Her breath became ragged, which was exactly one of the reasons she disliked crying in front of people so much. She felt so undignified huffing and puffing. But all this left her brain as she found that like a dam, her emotions weren't able to be controlled once they were let out and she just gave into crying.

The only sounds heard above her wails were soft murmurs of "It's okay. Just cry…you're gonna be alright," by Sailor Mercury.

She shook her head denying all reason and sat there for a long while. She knew none of her friends had moved from their protective surrounding positions. Finally after what seemed like a long time she felt Lita gently pick her up and she was slowly carried home, sobbing into her older friend's should just as she had Mercury's.

When they arrived home she pretended to be asleep. As soon as the others left her room she opened her eyes and stared out at the starless sky. The cloud cover gave the night an especially blackened look and to top it off it also hid the moon as well. She felt no comfort and closed her eyes again, but she could hear her friends talking in her living room. Her cousin and Jack were still at the airport, saying goodbye to Uncle Rick. Rini was most likely still with them. The need to cry was extremely compelling, but Serena held it inside for a few moments in order to listen to her friends' words.

"Do you think she's better now Luna?"

"Who can say? She's nowhere near back to her old self, but I think now that she's let all her feelings out, and by that I mean the pain, she can start to move past it and overcome the sadness."

"I'm glad she's finally able to cry. I was worried that she was going to turn into stone if she was forced to smile for another day."

"Amy, you always worried the most about her."

"She has just broken up with her boyfriend! And I'm really tempted to beat him up like I did to jerks at my old school."

"They broke up again, and I'm sure they'll just get back together _again_ soon, and if not soon than later. They're meant to be, Darien's temporary pigheadedness isn't going to stand in the way of that."

"I hope you're right. What do you think is wrong this time?"

Serena listened intently for Raye to answer Mina's question.

"I honestly don't know. Serena seemed so happy ever since we defeated Alan and Ann. With Darien's memory restored and everything right again they seemed inseparable this summer. I mean, when Rini came into the picture Serena got a little more annoyed than usual, but she was still very happy. And up until a week ago I thought Darien felt that way too…but now? I have no idea."

Serena felt the same way as Raye. This summer they had been so happy together, now in the winter they were…broken, or at least she seemed to be. Lita's voice penetrated through her thoughts.

"Amy, you've been awfully quiet. Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine. It's just Serena. She seemed so sad. I didn't realize she was holding back that much pain."

"I'm sure it was just being built up from the six days she had to keep it in check. When I break up with a boyfriend I need a quick cry in my bedroom just to let it all out and get over it. After that I'm ready to face the world again. I suppose since Serena was never given the chance to get it all up out of her system it sort of pressured up out of proportion. And don't give me that look Lita; I realize this is more than a simple 'boyfriend' and that Serena just lost the love of her teenage life, but the sooner she's okay then the sooner she can move on, Darien can see what he's missing, they'll get back together, and everything will be fine again."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, come on you guys. Serena's broken up with him before. We've given her our shoulders to cry on twice before and we can do it again, although we'll only give Darien one last chance to get his act together, if he doesn't make this right after they get back together and they break up again? We'll happily pound him into the ground."

"You promise?"

Serena heard Mina softly laugh, but she didn't sound happy. "Yes Lita, and I promise you dibs on the first punch!"

Slowly the door to her bedroom began to open. The light crawled in then went back out as Serena heard Raye whisper, "She's asleep. I think we should probably go so we don't run the risk of waking her."

Luna agreed, "Yes, good thinking. I believe she's gotten very little sleep all this week from this ordeal and could use it."

The door opened again and Serena heard Amy rush in and give her a light hug and whisper,

"I hope everything will be alright Serena. I'm sure you'll catch Darien soon, and until then I hope you're together in your dreams!"

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PLEASE REVIEW


	10. Chapter 9: A Temporary Release

New Author's Note: This is to make up for not posting for a few weeks, I know that the next chapter will be better but I just wanted to get this up. Thank you a lot to the people who did review, ur words mean so much to me. So thank you and enjoy the chapter.

This is the ninth chapter of my fanfic. SOOO sorry it took me longer than I expected to get it up, but suddenly it was like I had a life! Work, friends, parties, homework…everything! But I promise to TRY to finish this before winter break ends, but I can't promise anything so please be patient! I've already got some of the next chapter done so hopefully I'll be able to post that soon. I'm not too proud of this chapter because it has a lot of paraphrasing and I don't like to do that. It seems more seven-year-old kid writing level than 16-year-old hopeless romantic girl level; I like to show what is happening through descriptions and character dialog, but you can't have everything so…oh well. I'm trying to have the next chapter have more dialog and happen in less time (so less broad descriptions). Please please PLEASE review to tell me how it's going and how you like it and what you want to happen next. I've already taken some of your suggestions into the plot in the future and am really looking forward to writing it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon…well I don't!

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Chapter 9**

**A Temporary Release**

Serena lay awake for another hour after her friends left, crying. It had been beyond difficult to remain silent for those few minutes they were talking outside her room. She tried to muffle her sobs with her pillow, but she knew they were still pretty loud. A part of her felt better from crying, but another –larger- part still felt worse. It was as if the pain she'd been suppressing all week was now rushing at her and she felt as though she couldn't breathe. She wanted to keep crying and crying for eternity, hoping that maybe someday she'd just stop and not feel anything anymore.

Nothing was worth the pain that traveled through her body over and over again with each time her mind recounted all the memories of the break up she'd been suppressing. Every cold look Darien'd given her, every time Rini had said his name, every harsh word Darien'd said to her about not loving her ran through her mind over and over again that night. She didn't know when she fell asleep, but it must have been at least 2 a.m.

When she woke up in the morning she was startled by her reflection. Her hair looked like she'd been tossing and turning all night and her eyes were all puffy with her makeup run all over her cheeks. Looking at herself she thought Darien very wise to break up with a hideous creature like her.

She remained in her very depressed state as she got ready for school. She'd managed to cover the black circles under her eyes with plenty of make up and even she would admit she looked _way_ better than when she'd woken up, but she still felt stupid and ugly inside. Now that she was not afraid to look back at her actions this week she saw how stupid and naïve she'd been.

'_A demon must have been threatening Darien_,' her mind mocked. She struggled to push those thoughts away and tried to think of the good times, but those only hurt ten times worse.

When she walked out of the house she saw just Amy standing at the end of her steps. She smiled a sad smile at Serena and gave her a hug when she got to the bottom. They walked in silence for a few blocks and in that time Serena began to feel embarrassed at the number of times she'd had to rely on her friends when she'd broken up with Darien. She'd still not suppress anything; but she knew she had to stop only thinking of herself even during times like these because they came way more often for her than it seemed like for the normal person. She decided, now that she was finally dealing with it all that she would try to burden her friends as little as possible. She would be as sad as she liked in order to deal with the break up, but she would try not to bring her friends down due to her own personal life, scouts or not.

She just wished it didn't all hurt so much. She closed her eyes as a tear started to trail down her cheek as they were approaching the school. Before she could even touch it Amy brought out a tissue and gave it to her.

She mumbled, "Thanks."

And Amy gently rubbed her back. She tried not to cry during school, but her melancholy look earned a couple "are you all right?"s from acquaintances. Her friends covered for her, but it still didn't help the pain at all. She breathed a sigh of relief when school finally let out and walked home with her friends.

A part of her was telling her to feel bad about causing the silence as they walked, but the rest of her was back to hurting so much she didn't care. After they reached Serena's home they offered to come inside, but Serena would have none of it.

"Go to Crown and have some fun! Please don't worry about me, I have Luna! Besides some of us should be having some amount of fun at least!"

She went to her room and sat on her bed just staring up at the ceiling. When Luna was nowhere in sight she took a deep breath and finished her homework. Once that was done she crawled into bed and let loose the tears that had been building all day. After a couple hours Serena heard Amanda come into her room,

"Serena! What's the matter? What happened?"

She stifled her sobs for a moment, took another deep breath and turned to face her cousin. Serena saw her looking at her with worried eyes. Before she even got the chance to say anything Amanda said,

"It's about Darien, isn't it?"

Serena just nodded. Amanda remained in thought for a moment before looking at Serena without smiling,

"I knew something like this was going to happen. He was too old for you and you were much too attached."

"Please!" Serena burst out, "Don't talk about him like he was a pet!...He broke up with me."

She mumbled the last part. Amanda gently rubbed her back,

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. If makes you feel any better I totally think you were too good for him."

"Then why did _he_ break up with _me_?" Serena cried out in annoyance. She was tired of hearing that bullshit sentence of comfort people said to people who had been dumped. Wasn't the person who was too good for the other be the dumper in the break up. People could keep saying that, but if she really was such a 'great catch' then why couldn't she hold on to the one man she loved with all her heart?

What could she have done that would make him dislike her so much? Amanda lightly kissed her forehead and got up,

"Do you want me to bring you up some spaghetti?"

Serena slowly shook her head; she didn't feel hungry at all. Amanda nodded and gave her a sad look,

"Okay, well I'll make you some cookies and put the left over spaghetti in the fridge, eat it when you're ready okay?"

Serena nodded and turned away. Once she heard the door close tears started falling again. She knew it was going to take a while to get it all out of her system, making her feel better about her previous decision about waiting until after her uncle left. At least today she wouldn't have to worry about Rini irritating her if she stayed in her room.

A little later in the evening Luna came back and made her go downstairs and eat a few bites of spaghetti. That night Luna curled up next to her for the first time in a while and nuzzled against her as Serena cried herself to sleep again. Serena continued this pattern for the next week, the scouts didn't call her for any demon attacks, a fact she was slightly miffed by, but didn't get angry at them again.

Luna stayed with her at night and the others rotated meeting her in the morning. She thanked them over and over again for how supportive they were, but they acted like they thought she should be expecting nothing less. She got up early one morning and met Lita outside Lita's house, but the scout of thunder made her promise not to do it again, stating that they would wait for her.

She felt very guilty about this fact and became more determined to not be such a burden. After she had gotten most of her crying out she was able to suppress it easier in public, she began to start venturing out in public again. She even made a couple trips to Crown with them and tried not to ruin the mood by being depressed.

She was less depressed and though she didn't realize it at first, her pain was becoming softer and softer as the days wore on. After three weeks had passed they finally let her fight again. At the first one she felt perhaps she shouldn't have come back so soon, for the sight of Tuxedo Mask sent her pain right back to her.

But Rini kept getting into trouble and running off. Darien would always help find her, and Serena felt a sharp pain in her heart with every cold look he gave her. Rini and Serena's relationship got more strained as the days wore on. After an especially aggravating day at school Serena finally snapped at her, and in retaliation Rini took off. Serena called all the scouts and rushed out of the house.

She found Rini after an hour talking to her toy, but what amazed Serena was that it was actually talking back. Something touched Serena's heart when she heard Rini confide in the ball,

"…Serena hates me!..."

Serena knew she'd had better relationships, but she didn't hate Rini, something inside her just wouldn't let her. Therefore anger filled her being when she heard one of the Black Moon Sisters threaten Rini.

After that the rest of the scouts showed up as well as the other Black Moon Sisters. Serena's eyes widened when a tall, red-haired man suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

He just laughed at her. Serena stepped in front of Rini. He sneered at her attempt to look imposing,

"Who I am is of no consequence to you. Now hand over the little brat and I may let your friends live!"

Serena glared at him and stood her ground, "There's no way that's ever going to happen, negatrash!"

He just smirked and hit her with an energy shot. Serena felt physical pain fill her body as she pushed Rini out of the way. She fell to the ground, trembling and could hear the others call out her name, but one voice stood out.

"Sailor Moon! Help me! Don't leave me! Please, get up!" Rini cried as she sobbed into Serena shoulder.

Serena pushed herself up and brushed a tear off Rini's cheek, "Don't worry. I won't let them take you!"

But she was soon hit with another blast of dark energy from Rubeus again and fought to stay conscious. She felt Rini shaking her shoulder crying,

"Wake up! Wake up!"

She felt her eyes close and was about to pass out when she heard Rubeus's harsh voice in her ears, "Come brat, time to go!"

Anger welled up in Serena and she pushed her eyes open and made herself stand she saw Rubeus's eyes widen as she moved Rini aside and exclaimed,

"Get away from her! No one touches her without going through me! And I'm gonna take you down, asshole!"

He laughed at her and gathered up his energy again, "Please give me a break, you can barely stand, I'm from the future where the Negaverse is the ultimate power. I've seen the future and you're not in it! So get lost or feel the full wrath of the negamoon!"

He was about to send his energy down on them when a single rose flew in front of him. Serena turned and saw Tuxedo Mask a few yards away. He taunted Rubeus for a few moments before Rubeus unleashed his energy on Darien. Serena couldn't hold in her scream,

"No!"

But luckily Tuxedo Mask evaded it and landed in front of her. She cursed her heart for feeling calm with him standing to protect her. He sent an attack of roses at Rubeus as Rubeus sent his energy. The explosion still would have hurt them, but Tuxedo Mask put his cape up in front of them for protection.

Darien's feelings were confusing him. His heart lifted when he heard her cry "No!"

She still cared about him! The voice in his mind, telling him to stay away from her, cursed him and told him he had to get her to hate him if she'd ever move on. But he didn't want her to. The feeling of her being so close to him was painful. He wanted look into her eyes and tell her everything, but somehow he was able not to.

After she defeated Rubeus with her scepter he quickly fled the scene, telling himself that he couldn't even come to battles now. It was too risky with him wanting to tell her and hold her so badly. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself if he got too close to her again. He promised himself that he'd stay completely away from now on. His dreams, that he thought would go away now that he was committed to staying away from her, wouldn't cease. They came every night, as if to remind him in case he should ever forget the sight of her screaming in agony with him helplessly looking on.

Serena sighed as she looked out at the playground. She was supposed to be paying attention to the scouts' meeting concerning what to do about Rini, but she found her mind wandering to its favorite topic; Darien. Last night had been the first night she hadn't cried herself to sleep and she felt very proud of that fact. Of course the rest of the scouts and Luna didn't know that she had continued crying after that first week after her uncle left.

She was able to hide it from Luna, and hadn't told any of the scouts. The pain was still there, but it was getting less and less each day. It had been probably better lately because she hadn't seen Darien. Darien…his name still poked holes in her heart, but they were less big and painful than before. She tried to tune back into the meeting, but found she just couldn't.

She had stupidly thought that Rini would be nicer to her after saving her, but Rini didn't know she was Sailor Moon so she had been just annoying as ever. Serena found she couldn't even be in the same room as her most of the time because her talking of Darien had increased tremendously since Serena'd saved her life.

Serena just thought in her head 'no good deed goes unpunished' and sighed again. Today hadn't been a good day to begin with. She knew she wasn't going to make it better by thinking about Darien, but she couldn't help it. She accidentally mumbled, –loudly-

"Why did Darien break with me and start avoiding me?"

Everyone turned to her, frowns on their faces. Luna turned to her,

"Serena, I realize that you're still having problems with that, but today we're trying to sort out _Rini_'s problems so could you please try to focus?"

Serena nodded and hung her head, embarrassed. That was the first time Luna'd scolded her since the break up. She'd forgotten how inadequate she could feel when she'd disappointed her cat-guardian. Unfortunately this wasn't the only problem she was going to have that day. Just when she was about to share her input of the situation, they all suddenly heard a loud motorcycle nearby. Serena's mind just wouldn't think straight with all the noise and before she even turned she cried out,

"Would you cut out that racket?"

Her heart stopped when she realized who it was when the driver lifted his helmet up. Darien's eyes almost looked startled to see her, but she couldn't be sure because the cold indifferent look came up swiftly afterwards. But that wasn't what made her heart stop. Seated right behind him, clinging to his waist was another girl. The girl looked surprised as she realized Darien was staring at Serena. Serena knew she shouldn't speak to him, but she couldn't help herself and walked over,

"Darien, who is this? A cousin of yours?"

Her face froze at his response; "Since when do I have to tell you where I go or who I'm with? Get a life."

The girl behind him clung to him closer and asked, "Who is this girl, Darien? Do you know her?"

He just coldly glared at Serena, "Just some girl I know."

And with that they sped off. Serena felt the world spin around her as her legs gave out. Pain was spreading through her entire system as loud and strong as it had been the first day after the break up. She was just some girl he knew? She didn't even earn the title 'ex-girlfriend'? Tears started to fall down her cheeks as her breathing became uneven again.

Amy ran up to her, "Oh Serena. Are you gonna be okay?"

Lita followed after and said, "That's it, I'm gonna kick his ass!"

She was about to walk away to do it when she turned around and saw that no one was stopping her.

She looked at Serena and asked, "Seriously, do you want me to do it?"

Serena forced a laugh and said, "No, that's okay. I'll be fine. I just…have to go."

With that she picked up her things and was about to hurry off when Raye stepped in front of her, her eyes full of concern, "Are you sure you want to be alone right now?"

Serena tearfully nodded, "Yeah, I do. Hey, don't worry about me; I'll be fine, really. It was just a shock, seeing him move on that fast. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean I always guessed there was another reason he broke up with me. Now I know."

And with that she hurried off and didn't stop until she reached her bedroom and broke down sobbing all over again. Images of him with that girl filled her mind and made her sob all the louder into her pillow and it felt like all the healing she'd done had never happened as she softly calmed her breathing down.

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Please Review


	11. Chapter 10: Kiss the Girl

New Author's Note: Apologies about not posting in a while, but keeping my grades up, having a boyfriend, and just trying to have a life in college can really wear on your free time, but the term is almost over in a couple months and once that happens I'll be devoting more time to writing and hopefully getting some new, better quality, not just me editing old stuff up so when that happens I hope you enjoy it, but for now I hope you enjoy this so please review w/constructive criticism because I'm very aware I'm not perfect.

Old Author's Note: This is the tenth chapter of my breakup fanfic. Don't worry everyone, as much as it looks like I can't stand Darien I still luv him! Just not right now. So don't worry, as all the other break up fanfics out there, this one does have a happy ending….maybe I shouldn't have given that away. But u all knew that was coming right? Just not yet! This next chapter I'm a little more proud of and I hope u all enjoy it. But the one after this I really think you're all gonna hate…or really really love! -I'm not telling why, you'll just have to wait and see! - But anyways enjoy this one. Thanks for all the reviews! Please please please keep reviewing! It makes this thing so much more fun to see people's reactions to my scenes. So enjoy this and look forward to what comes next!

I do not own Sailor Moon. And neither do you!...unless by some _very_ small chance you actually do.

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Chapter 10**

**Kiss the Girl**

"Serena, you have to eat." Luna said softly.

Even though she had a pillow over her head Serena could still hear her.

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled back and it was true.

Her stomach felt too much like it was going to throw up at the memory of that _bitch_ clinging to Darien's waist. Tears started to fall again and she found that she had to come up for air, the pillow was becoming suffocating.

She heard Luna sigh, "Serena don't starve yourself for Darien, he loves you just the way you are!"

"He doesn't love me!" Serena burst out. She stared at Luna for a few moments, "You think he does?"

Luna looked back at Serena, contemplating her answer. Yes, Luna felt Darien did still love Serena a great deal. She had seen the look in his eyes when Rubeus threatened her. But Luna could not find a good reason as to why Darien was treating her as such. Her patience was wearing thin with the boy and didn't feel Serena should be subjected to false hope if he was only going to deny it to her anyway. She could see even now, as Serena was trying to suppress it, there was still hope shone in her eyes.

'Not all of her believes Darien doesn't love her,' Luna thought.

Unfortunately Luna must have taken too much time with her answer for Serena's eyes fell and she turned away.

"I thought not. Not many guys who love their girlfriends break up with them."

Luna thought she heard a gasp from outside the room. She looked at Serena again who was stifling cries again. Luna felt her heart go out to her poor charge. It pained her to see Serena suffering so much, but there was nothing she could do at the moment and walked out of the room. She walked out just in time to see a figure running down the hall. Luna raced to the stairs and saw Rini rush out the door. What was she doing? It was eleven o'clock at night! Luna raced back to Serena's room.

Serena heard Luna rush into the room, but didn't turn around. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard Luna cry, "Serena, come quick! Rini's run away again!"

Irritation clouded Serena's features, how could that annoying brat be so stupid to go out at this hour?

She cried, "Crap! I'm coming!"

She quickly called the other scouts and raced out the door. She didn't even bother changing into something other than sweats. She knew Luna was following her and she just ran all the faster. After searching for an hour she and Luna both saw Rini's energy a couple blocks away. After alerting the other scouts they sprinted in that direction.

Serena transformed when they arrived and saw two of the Black Moon Sisters holding Rini. She nodded to Luna who snuck up on them and scratched the arm of the one holding Rini. Serena grabbed Rini as one of them howled in pain.

The sister glared at her, "You're gonna regret that!"

Serena glared back, "Not as much as you're gonna regret attacking a helpless kid! I am Sailor Moon and you just pissed me off!"

She sent her tiara attack and it hit on of them and knocked them over. The other floated in the air and sent out a demon. Serena's eyes widened at the sight of the monster.

It commanded her, "Look into my eyes!"

Serena's first instinct was to look away…but it was too late. She felt herself getting lost in the demon's eyes and her legs suddenly felt heavy. She fell to her knees as her legs gave out and she fought to keep her eyes open. Suddenly she felt like all her energy was completely gone and she collapsed onto the sidewalk.

She felt Luna shake her, "Sailor Moon! You must wake up! Please! Fight to stay awake!"

Serena looked at Luna one last time before closing her eyes, "Sorry Luna, I guess I should have spent less time worry about Darien and more…time…getting my beauty rest…"

With that the last of Serena's strength left her and she closed her eyes.

Luna looked around in panic as the two sisters cornered Rini. Suddenly the other scouts appeared and drove them off.

Luna ordered the girls, "Don't look at the demon and destroy it before it tries to put you to sleep!"

Luna watched as Sailor Mars was able to damage the demon enough for it to retreat; for unfortunately, at least lately, sailor moon was the only one able to do away with demons permanently. However when she looked back to the scout of the moon, saw she was still asleep. Venus walked up to Sailor Moon and shook her a little,

"Come on Sailor Moon, wake up."

Mars walked over, "Uh, it's just like meatball head to fall asleep in the middle of battle, Sailor Moon! Wake up!"

Mars shook her a little and suddenly the demon's voice filled the air.

"She can't wake up she's trapped in an eternal sleep that will suck her energy away until she's dead! Only true love's kiss will wake her from this dream, but I don't expect you'll be able to find someone who loves this miserable retch in time! Ha ha ha!"

The demon disappeared into a cloud of smoke and the scouts watched helplessly as it quickly flowed into Serena.

"No!" Amy cried and went over to Serena, shaking her, "Wake up! WAKE UP!"

Jupiter looked in horror as their friend began to softly glow pink as they saw the energy leaving her. Jupiter picked her gently up and put her on a park bench.

Mars was getting tears of frustration in her eyes and ordered Mercury, "Scan her, Amy! Find out how she's doing and what to do to help her! We can't loose her!"

Jupiter put a comforting hand on Mars' shoulder, "Don't worry. I'm sure she'll be alright!"

Mars whirled around on Jupiter, "We don't know that! And right now I don't like our chances! The enemy's weakening her more and more by the second and we can't do anything to help our fallen scout and princess! We have to save her!…Amy, what's taking so long?"

Mercury glared at Mars, "I can feel the pressure just fine without your help! Her energy's leaving her at an incredibly fast rate! Her body temperature's dropped tremendously and I don't know what to do!"

Tears were streaming down Mercury's face as Venus held her and whispered, "It's okay. It's okay. Is there anything we can do?"

Finally Jupiter's calm exterior vanished and she lunged at Sailor Moon shouting, "Sailor Moon! WAKE UP! Wake up!"

Jupiter shook Sailor Moon's shoulders and cried her name again. Mars started rubbing Sailor Moon's shins to try to get her warm. Luna watched all this in horror. She knew who could help her charge and if he refused to…then she would know _exactly_ who to blame! She took off, sprinting towards his apartment.

Serena opened her eyes, but didn't feel awake. She felt like she was floating. Almost like she was underwater, but she wasn't breathing. The strange part was she didn't feel the need to breath. This pink mass she was surrounded in seemed endless and the other strange part was Serena liked it. She felt warm, safe…calm.

All the pain that had been with her for weeks was suddenly and completely gone. All her feelings period had vanished. She just enjoyed the comforting warmth. She was so absorbed in her new surroundings that it took her a minute to realize that she wasn't alone.

A girl, who looked identical to herself, was not ten feet away from her. This girl looked like she had feelings; there were bags under her eyes and sadness inside them. But there was also a glow that seemed to come from within her that made Serena get the feeling she was passionately in love. Serena looked upon this girl who looked downright miserable. She looked even more miserable than Serena felt she had when she mourning Darien's rejection. Still…there seemed to be something coming from this miserable exterior that told Serena that this girl was capable of happiness.

The identical stranger moved closer to her until they were only a few feet apart. Suddenly her own voice filled her head, with thoughts she hadn't remembered thinking.

'Serena, please wake up!' The voice begged.

Serena knew the voice came from the girl, but the strange thing was that Serena only heard her in her head, for the girl's lips never moved. Serena shook her head, and an unfamiliar voice filled her ears,

"I can't. I won't. It hurts too much out there. Why would I subject myself to that kind of pain again?"

She was surprised; those were the very words she had been thinking. Suddenly it clicked; that was her voice. It sounded so emotionless and low, not at all like herself. She wasn't feeling anything, not pain, sadness, joy, love, or anger. She felt free, not like before, but completely free. Boundless in this strange, motionless place.

"Am I dead?" she asked.

The girl, who looked like her and sounded like she used to, shook her head, fear clear in her eyes.

'No, you're not. But you are dying! You will die if you don't get up and fight! You must, please!'

Serena frowned; if she had cared she would have felt confusion, now she only felt mild curiosity that was quickly dissipating as she turned to stare at the pink void she was enveloped in.

Darien was woken up by something jumping on his bed. He looked around and was about to say

'What?' but saw Luna, looking very distraught, staring up at him from the floor.

"Luna? What are-"

"Darien you have to come with me! It's about Serena!"

Darien looked away, "I can't. I'm staying away from her, if you haven't gotten the message yet."

Darien saw Luna was glaring at him, he didn't blame her. He guessed he wasn't her favorite person right now. When he didn't say anything else Luna's glare deepened and said,

"I don't care what your issues with Serena are. You can deal with them later when her life isn't hanging on by a thread!"

Darien's head snapped up, "What?"

"Darien, Serena's in trouble."

He looked away, "She's always in trouble, but if I keep coming to battle she'll never get over me."

"Do you want her to? I swear Darien; if you don't start shaping up I _will_ have the scouts knock some sense into you! You act like you still love her, but keep saying you don't. Well I know you still do! And I don't care what you're reasons are right now because if you don't go to her now Serena will die!"

Darien's eyes widened and his heart stopped at Luna's words.

"Darien, Serena's dying! Go to her now!"

And in a moment Darien was up and rushing out the door.

'Serena, you can't leave me!' he thought. All he had done was to keep her alive! He couldn't let her die now!

"Please, Serena hang on! You can't leave me!" He cried as he transformed and jumped on his motorcycle.

"Who are you?" Serena asked.

The girl remained close to Serena, but didn't touch her, 'I'm your feelings, fears…emotions. I'm the part of you you're separated from. And I really want to get back inside you!'

Serena shook her head. "No."

The girl looked imploringly at her, 'Serena, please!'

"No. I don't want to go back." Serena said solemnly.

The girl shook her head, 'Surely you don't mean that!'

"But I do, I really do. There's nothing back there. All I had left in that world was pain and sadness and regret. I can't go back."

Tears began to fall from the girl's eyes. 'What about your friends?'

Serena was still unmoved, "What about them?"

'Are they really nothing?' Serena felt unsure. She could hear them trying to reach her.

"SAILOR MOON!" they screamed. Serena would have felt pain at the loudness of their voices if she had been anywhere, but here. Now she was able to ignore them.

"Sailor Moon! Please! You can't leave us! Sailor Moon!" She heard a voice that sounded very much like Amy. Tears were now freely falling from the girl's eyes as Serena watched on.

"Go away." Serena commanded. The girl shook her head,

'I won't!' Serena felt herself sigh in minuscule frustration.

"Why are you here?" Serena asked.

The girl smiled, 'I'm here because a part of you really wants to go back. I'm that part. The larger part may have silenced it, but it can't send me away! I still love your friends dearly and would give my life to save them. I'm the part of you that still loves Darien.'

"Then you must be the part with all the pain. Why do you want to return to that world that holds the guilt of such agony? Why not punish it by leaving? Maybe people would be happier if you were dead."

The girl glared at Serena, 'You may believe that, but I never will. You silenced me for a while after Darien broke up with you, now I won't let you leave him!'

Serena finally felt something: surprise. "Me leave him? He left me."

Her voice was still monotone, it didn't really care what this figure of her imagination thought. The girl shook her head fiercely.

'I'm also the part that knows that Darien still loves you! I know he will never stop.'

Darien's nerves were completely shot and he felt like this was the longest trip he'd ever taken.

"SERENA!" He cried at the top of his lungs while speeding down the road. Nothing could stop him from getting to her.

"My love! Please! WAIT!" He finally arrived and his blood ran cold at the sight of her lying still on the park bench. He rushed past the scouts and was almost to her when Sailor Jupiter stepped in front of him.

She glared at him, "What do you want? Get away from her! After earlier you don't need to be anywhere near her, you bastard!"

Darien knew she wanted to hit him, and he felt he deserved more than that.

Unfortunately he didn't have time for this and he demanded, "Get out of my way! I need to save her!"

He pushed past her and felt her grab his shoulder and was pushed backward,

"I said stay away from her!" Jupiter yelled, glaring at him.

Luckily Luna arrived after a moment and order Jupiter to back down.

Amy chimed in, "Lita please, maybe he can do something! We're running out of options, her temperature's dropped extremely low! Her skin is like ice."

That seemed to be the one sentence that would make Jupiter hesitate. With one last glare at him, Jupiter stepped aside. But she continued to give him murderous glances, along with Venus and Mars. With a clear path now, Darien rushed to Serena; it pained him to feel how cold she was.

He shook her, "Sailor Moon! Sailor Moon! Please wake up! Please! You can't leave me! You have to fight! Fight to stay! Please!"

He could feel himself slowly dying as she lay there unresponsive. It felt like any hope was fading as he watched his reason for living slowly dying away.

"Please forgive me. Wake up! No, no…no!" he whispered urgently and held her close.

Serena was starting to feel a little something that felt like annoyance. "He doesn't love me. I know that beyond a doubt. _All_ _of me_ knows that."

The girl smiled, 'What has proved that to you? Words? Nothing but words has proved he doesn't love you while his actions are screaming to you that he does!'

Serena shook her head, "You're lying."

The girl smiled, 'No, I'm not. Just listen! Does that sound like a man who hates you?'

The girl remained silent as Serena listened to what was going on outside her head.

"Oh Sailor Moon, please forgive me! Please don't leave! Fight! Fight to stay with me, please!"

She thought she heard him crying, but she wasn't sure. She couldn't even believe this was real, could she? Darien might not hate her, but he didn't love her! She had just seen him riding around with another girl! A girl he was clearly dating due to how closely she had clung to him on that motorcycle.

Serena was surprised that even though this didn't hurt her, for here she didn't love Darien, she was shocked that she _cared_. She was starting to care if he loved her or not. She could feel the girl's eyes on her as she thought of all this. The girl smiled,

'I can hear your every thought. I'm glad you care. It's a start. Unfortunately we don't have time for you to finish the rest because if you don't start trying to go back soon you're going to die!'

Serena stared at her, "Would that really be such a bad thing?"

The girl's eyes widened, 'YES!'

"I won't go back," Serena stated firmly, "I like it here too much."

'You must go back.'

"No. I won't."

'You must!'

"No."

'You must go back!'

"No!"

'Go back!'

"NO!"

'BACK!'

"NO!" Serena cried and immediately the girl's body slammed into her.

Serena felt the impact as pain rushed through her entire system. Suddenly she realized it wasn't from the impact, but from the inside. She was feeling all the pain again, every single nerve of it. And the girl had disappeared.

She suddenly started to breathe again and even that hurt. Tears welled up in her eyes from the sting in her chest and she heard the others, but they were softer. Serena swallowed, now she had to fight, she couldn't stay here forever feeling this way.

Getting out was the only way she could possibly have any chance of making the pain go away. She gathered her strength and started to move. It was difficult at first and painful. What was once comforting with its warmth and texture now held her bound in place. She swatted it away and slowly made her way through it until she found what she was looking for. A shadow. It was dark and obviously a way out.

She fought to get to it, but something stronger now had hold of her waist. She struggled and fought, but it was no use, she was just sinking further and further into the nothingness and hope was slowly leaving her.

He never wanted to let her go, he felt like such a fool for driving her away. He looked at her lips; even while turning blue from the cold they were still exceptionally enticing. He felt he needed a goodbye kiss and slowly lowered his mouth onto hers.

She was about to give up when suddenly she felt a familiar feeling on her lips and an unknown force propelled her upwards. She was now able to breakthrough the darkness and woke up.

Darien watched in joy as the pink glow from Serena disappeared and the demon was forced out. Immediately once it hit the air it cried out and turned into a pile of dust. Darien turned his attentions back to Serena and watched for any signs that she was waking up.

At first the world was still dark and she felt cold again. It took her a minute to figure out her eyes were closed. When she slowly opened them she found two dark blue ones staring down at her. Darien's face held plain relief, and did she dare say it…joy?

"Darien?" she asked.

She then knew that she must have been imagining the joy for he immediately stood up. Serena's body screamed from the missing warmth and longed to be in his arms again.

He looked at her once more and said gruffly, "I'm…glad you're alright, Sailor Moon."

With that he turned and walked away. Serena would have been able to watch him go, if she hadn't suddenly been crushed in a giant hug by the other scouts.

Amy had tears streaming down her face, "Oh Serena! You're alright!"

Raye's voice sounded angry, "Don't ever scare us like that again! You hear me?"

Serena just lightly smiled and said, "Um…guys? I think it's great that you missed me, but I'm kind of having trouble breath…ing!"

And with that they all immediately backed away a few inches.

Serena smiled up at them, "Hey."

Mina still had tears in her eyes, "We almost lost you."

Serena looked down, "I'm awake now."

"Sailor Moon you're okay!" Serena heard Rini cry and the girl launched herself into Serena's arms.

Serena was taken aback by the affection Rini was showing her. When she looked down into Rini's eyes she saw that Rini idolized her. No, not her…Sailor Moon. Rini despised Serena. Serena almost laughed at the irony. But something in her heart warmed at the small girl's embrace. Against her conscious decision, Serena automatically hugged Rini back.

Then she looked up at the night sky, the moon was now full. Something in her was telling her that Darien still loved her and she decided she was going to find out if she was right.


End file.
